Yes, you can fight cancer while building a startup.

Suzanne Sinatra
Sep 9, 2018 · 6 min read

It’s hard starting a company. That’s not news. Starting a company with no experience in a field mired with stigma? Tough, but doable with some creativity, lots of swag and cockiness. Building a startup by yourself while battling cancer? That is damn near impossible, but it can be done.

I make vaginal ice and heat packs.

Private Packs was born after a routine bikini wax ripped off my skin. I had never ever felt such pain in my life.

I had a date that night and needed comfort fast. I settled for a cold water bottle and tucked it right between my thighs. It was exactly what I needed, but I had to stay in bed, which sucked because I couldn’t get ready for my date.

I was frustrated and angry. I had paid $125 for my wax. It felt like I had paid $125 to get my skin ripped off. I opened my computer and started researching to see if this had happened to other women. I wanted to know what they did to self-soothe after surviving a bad wax.

Painful AF!

Google wasn’t a real help. I found nothing for sale. Pinterest was a little better. On Pinterest, I found recipes for padsicles, condomsicles, and cooling diapers. These DIY solutions verified that 1) women are in vaginal pain; 2) I was not alone, and 3) there had to be a better way.

I was right! I wasn’t the only one

I told ALL my girlfriends what happened to me.

They told me all of their crazy vagina stories, ranging from giving birth, to labiaplasties, to bike seat numbness. They also shared disastrous pain relief stories that involved messed up couches, soggy underwear, and even clenching a frozen condom inside of their vagina.

You’d think I would have created Private Packs years ago. 2014 was not the first time I experienced vaginal pain. I’m a survivor of abuse and trauma. I’m also an active woman. I love spinning, I enjoy richer sex, and I still get regular Brazilian waxes. I didn’t want to suffer because of the richness of my life. So, I decided to start Private Packs.

I knew anything used for vaginal pain relief had to be lightweight, portable, and slim. It also needed to stay put. For the first two years, my MVP was a bright blue 3D print model. I needed people to understand what it would look like, how it would work, and how it would feel. I hustled hard and I picked up steam. I applied for a design patent. And then, in February 2017 I got my first real gel pack. I had a working prototype of my product, I had my potential manufacturers and I was learning how to create a CPG brand.

I was making progress and I could feel the momentum building. I was doing it.

Change in plans

July 2017. While at my investment banking gig, I was unbelievably tired. I figured it was all of the sleep I had missed spending eight hours a day on Private Packs while working nine to five at the bank. What’s crazy is that I was super proud of my tiredness because that meant that I was a real entrepreneur. My exhaustion was my badge of honor.

The guy I was seeing broke up with me via text, complete with star emojis because our horoscopes didn’t align. He said it wasn’t in the stars. Whatever. I crossed my arms over my chest and when I did, my right hand brushed against my left breast. I felt a bump. I ran to the bedroom to look in the mirror, and I noticed it immediately. Something was pulling my skin from the inside.

Something was wrong. Really wrong.

He’s the grey. The texts that saved my life.

Really universe, not cool

The timing was bad. I was starting my next gig at the bank and working on Private Packs.

I was just a few weeks out from pitching on Entrepreneur Magazine’s series, Elevator Pitch, and then launching the Private Packs crowdfunding campaign. I somehow managed to squeeze in a mammogram so that I could be assured the lump was nothing to worry about. I checked that appointment off my list and got ready to head to Hollywood.

When the doctor called to tell me they needed to follow up with a biopsy, I couldn’t believe it. I was getting product samples made, and I was preparing my elevator pitch for the show. I didn’t have time for a biopsy. I told the doctor “I’m going to Hollywood!” I could feel her eyes roll over the phone. She told me that the biopsy was not a choice.

My mind raced. I didn’t plan for this.

Eureka moment

During the biopsy, I started telling my doctor about Private Packs to take my mind off the pain.

In the recovery room, the doctor gave me a 2x2 ice pack to reduce the swelling. I have 38D breasts. I said, “Doc, this pack is for size A breasts! Do you have anything bigger?” He said “No, but you can make one!” and laughed. I said, “Oh, I will”.

On August 11, I called my doctor after receiving three missed calls from her.

“Suzanne you have cancer. It’s in your left breast, and it’s spread to your lymph nodes. And you’ve had it for a while.”

What I love about NYC doctors is that they have little to no bedside manner and they give you sass. When I met my I oncologist, I told her that I was launching my company in two weeks. She said “No, you’re not. Your new job is not to die”.

Even after I started chemo on September 11, 2017, I continued to work on Private Packs. I built my contact list and worked with my manufacturers. I started the FutureWorks Incubator. I was moving much slower, but I was still moving.

Evolution of a woman in 9 months.

A few weeks later, with one treatment to go, a body scan revealed that my tumors had grown in size and number. Instead of lumpectomy, I was told that now I would have my left breast and the lymph nodes in my left arm removed on December 20. This was the first time I cried.

My breasts are very important to me. The once identical twins were going to become fraternal twins. I had to accept that one was killing me, and I had to sacrifice it to save the rest of me.

I have cancer and this is my new reality.

FACTS

I’m still adjusting to my new body. My once perfect body now has battle scars, and I appreciate all it has been through and what it has done for me. My body is perfect and I am a beautiful woman. It took me over 40 years and cancer to say that.

There are still days that I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m doing this for more than just money or a big exit.

I am proud to be the founder of Private Packs. We create products that comfort folks and a safe space for people to learn about their body. It’s unnecessary to suffer alone. This is what drives me. I never found my startup, it found me.

I’m glad I never gave up and I’m happy that I surround myself with people that wouldn’t let me give up on my venture, my life and myself when there were days that I really wanted to.

Suzanne

This piece is about my journey as Founder and as a woman. But nobody gets anywhere alone. Over the past year, I have met many wonderful people that know who they are but there are several I would like to shout out. Pialy, Sonaly and the kids, Mal, Polly, Bryony, Mia, Estrella, Carmen, Arielle, Elizabeth, Alex J, Jocelyn, Cups, Rebecca, Sushama, Lori, Lysee, Nisreen, George, Malcolm, Gord, Santino, Andrea, Joe, Diane, Connie, Dr. Craigmyle, Dr. Phillips and Dr. Mastrasso, Mellie, Alysse, Aunts, Uncle, Avrille, Jenny and of course, Deklon.

All my doctors at Mt. Sinai.

Mom & Dad: You came to Canada from Trinidad with nothing. Your hard work was the best example I could have had growing up. I told you at the hospital that if something goes wrong in surgery to please let me die. I’m glad you didn’t have to make that decision. Love, S

Suzanne Sinatra

Written by

Founder of Private Packs and Editor of The Fig by Private Packs. Breast Cancer Ninja, Proud Member of The Women of SexTech, Y-C Startup School and Project Entr

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