“It’s Always Better in Your Head”

Really? Is it? 

So, I have to be honest, and this has been bothering my for some time now, and yes, I am going to talk about boys. Those lovely, wonderful creatures that are just — well, they are just lovely! We have all read or seen the books…. “He’s Just NOT into you!”, or “The Rules!”, or “Men! Why Can’t I Find One/Hold Onto One/Understand One!” (clearly that is one that has not been published yet ;) ) Here is the thing…the one thing that bothers me, is not these titles, or the self help books on relationships, and I am sure that they do help plenty of people; it is a comment made in passing by an old friend. “It’s always better in your head….”

Why? I don’t believe that it is. To actually experience the relationship, in whatever form it takes, to FEEL it, is just awesome — to allow yourself to feel the joy, and the pain, the dull and the exciting. Surely that is better than it just being in your head? Yes, my marriage did not evolve the way that either of us thought, but I would rather have lived it, loved it and lost it than be scared of it, scared to do it. If I had kept the THOUGHT of it in my head, I would have not been able to hold the experience close and learned from it. You’re relationships and whatever forms they take don’t have to be hard, harsh, infringing or uncompromising. They come with beautiful simplicity and I love to be able to experience the simplicity, rather than imagine it. To build on this knowledge and to start letting go of that which does not serve you, and leave yourself open to welcome those who shall stay close, to leave the “inside of your head”, if you will and to lose the expectations and the thoughts of others, and to not treat the world as if it holds a judgment. To acknowledge who I am and embrace it fully, with love and acceptance. To live in harmony with what is mine, and to gracefully hand back what is not.

So, why is this about boys? Why does it have to be? Why do many of the thoughts, feelings and actions of women relate to men? I am not sure I even have a perspective on this! I am learning every day, that to continue to imagine things in your head may prevent you from feeling things within yourself, which is all rooted in fear, whether it be fear of rejection, fear of acknowledgment — fear of feeling!! I equivocally do not want to miss out on feeling something deeply because I am scared to do so, so I choose to feel “it”, whatever “it” is, or what it may be.