Stop Being a Fucking Douche — 9 Practical “No Bullshit” Lessons in Spirituality
I’m a saint and I’m a hell-bent heathen. I’m Dr. Jekyll and Mr. fucking Hyde. A few of favorite books include Walden by T-Dub, the Upanishads, Freedom from the Known by Jkish and Meditations by Marcus A.
I love listening to Pac, Beethoven, Dylan, Sade, Marley, Maxwell and Bhangra and will sometimes listen to them in succession while working out (think Metallica meets the philharmonic).
I meditate, take walks along the beach, try to play hoop like I’m at the Rucker, have a habit of laughing uncontrollably at my own jokes and c-walk whenever I hear California Love.
I’m a walking contradiction, but fuck it, aren’t we all at times?
I don’t give advice because people are gonna do whatever the fuck they want anyway, so why waste energy.
I believe we all live in a great world but the obstacles that we’ve created for ourselves prohibits us from seeing that greatness. There are no good nor bad moments in life, there’s just moments.
Today I wanted to give you a dose of unadulterated, in your face, no bullshit spirituality.
A View on Spirituality
If life was a circus, spirituality is having the awareness and foresight to get yourself out of the fucking madness by climbing a mountain to see the circus from a birds eye view.
Spirituality is having the ability to take a step back to realize that you are a witness to life.
You are playing the part of yourself, but also looking at yourself-playing the part.
Spirituality is harnessing this awareness in you at all times. The more prevalent it becomes the less problems you encounter.
Below I have 9 Practical “No Bullshit” Lessons in Spirituality. If they work for you, GREAT! If they don’t, fuck it…create your own.
If my abrasive vernacular offends you, then please understand that they are just fucking words and if words hurt your feelings then you need a lot more help than I can offer. So hear me out for fucks sake!
The word fuck, or…
any other word perceived as “bad” isn’t actually so. The word “fuck” can be used in many different connotations, and if you were an adventurous fucker at least once in your life, then the phrases below are nothing new.
- I fucking love you — Sometimes just loving someone isn’t enough. This is expressing that next level of love.
- I fucking hate you — Sometimes just hating someone isn’t enough. This is expressing that next level of hate.
- He/she was a good fuck last night — He/She was very talented in the bedroom the night prior.
- It’s fucking beautiful outside — This is expressing how joyous and happy someone is about the weather.
- That’s fucked up — This is expressing a rather unpleasant situation.
It’s how you use words that matter. Some words are bad because long ago one person decided it so. Fuck that guy!
Needless to say, I will use the word fuck a lot in this article…….I may say bitch as well.
1. Presence is my Default Setting
The future offers us anxiety, and the past offers us remorse and regret. I say, fuck the future and past and just live now.
There’s nothing esoteric about living in the present moment. When you are aware of this moment you don’t think about the future and past, which means you aren’t thinking!
Presence = Not Fucking Thinking
Thinking takes energy. What happens when we’re present? WE HAVE MORE FUCKING ENERGY.
Thinking about the future elicits feelings that hasn’t come yet, and thinking about the past makes us a walking corpse.
Sure, the past comes in handy with lessons learned, and it’s important to plan for tomorrow, but how much of these events take precedence in our lives?
Be present, save energy, stop stressing and enjoy the fuck out of life.
2. Sometimes you just have to say, “Fuck the Internet.”
Don’t you find it a little odd that we have become a culture with our heads looking down at a little device for most of the day?
We derive gratification by over-sharing our life with the illusion that people actually give two fucks because they click like.
There is a thin line between spirituality and cynicism and I cross it all the time.
Social Media is just bad news, literally. The world can be a fucked up place, but I question why cruel shit needs to be shared over and over again.? Is this really raising social awareness or just trying to fuck the world with depression?
Sometimes its kinda nice to not know what’s happening with my friends and family at all times. Sometimes it’s calming and therapeutic to sit down at a coffee shop and read the paper.
My solution — I leave my phone at home a lot more and limit my internet usage. If I have to work I will set times where I check my e-mail messages. The world isn’t going to stop fucking moving if I don’t check my messages around the clock. I check my social media outlets once a day for 10 minutes. I don’t take my phone to bed with me anymore. This can be hard at first, but access the value of what you are doing when online.
I’ve come to the peaceful sentiment that most people have fucking boring lives like me and that makes me feel awesome.
I live in San Francisco, CA. In the land where every remedial task has an app assigned to it, I simply hack less.
Sometimes it’s exciting to get lost in my city or talk to friend while fully engaged in conversation. Sometimes a hike without the need to capture everything on camera can be bliss.
Below I have a great video on life hacking from Rich Roll.
The internet is a powerful tool so we must question if what we are reading or watching is giving us value or simply zapping brain cells.
With Great Power comes Great Responsibility — Voltaire (for all you spider-man fans)
2. Accept the Jackass in everyone
Everyone is fucked up in some way. None of us are perfect. Why would we want to be?
Face it, when you dig deep, the “jackassery” (actual word) traits of those we love are WHY WE LOVE THEM.
I can’t change anyone so I don’t try. Not only do I accept the way people are, but I embrace it. Everyone is on a journey through this fucked up maze we call LIFE!
I’m just a squirrel trying to get a nut, no pun intended.
My solution — Love your-self, and those that love you will always be by your side. It’s simple in theory, but lots of us try to be something else because we’re afraid of what others think.
NEWSFLASH — You’re not that important. This truth hurts the Ego, but when you lose your sense of importance, its hard to get your feelings hurt by anything.
The sooner you accept this, the more happier your life will become.
I know I’m a jackass at times and by coming to peace with this I’ve accepted others as they are.
Self-Love is a good thing, but Self-awareness is more important — Louis CK
3. Shut Up and Meditate
You heard me! Find a quiet room, turn off the lights, light some incense, learn some pranayama breathing techniques (deep breathing), close your eyes, sit down, cross your legs, shut the fuck up and enjoy that shit.
Meditation is the ultimate gateway drug into the word of consciousness (awareness).
Forget LSD, magic mushrooms, molly, reefer or alcohol. Although all these mind-altering substances offer temporary euphoria, they fail in comparison to Meditation.
You don’t need to be over the age of 21 or have a drug dealer. Meditation is available all the time.
I’ll let you look up the studies because it’s overwhelming and a waste of fucking energy for me because it really works.
I googled benefits of mediation if you still need convincing.
Most people think the Monks of the East are peaceful and passive people who have forgone material earthly needs. This is true to some extent but they’re probably blissed out of their fucking mind and getting high of their own supply of consciousness.
I’ve gotten a natural high from Meditation and it’s quite sublime. It’s helped me with creativity, sleep, patience, happiness and reducing stress.
My solution — I use techniques I learned at a Zen-Buddhist Monastery.
- I find a quiet place and meditate first thing in the AM.
- I sit down indian style, close my eyes, place my hands on my lap and make sure my back is straight.
- I take 3–5 deep breaths from my mouth
- Then I start to breath deeply through my nose for the duration of my practice.
- For next 5 minutes or so I’ll focus on my surroundings. (smells, sounds, and body sensations)
- Then I start to sit in silence for 10–15 minutes(tip-If random thoughts come in, I see them as clouds that come and go. I don’t suppress the thoughts).
- The rest, I will let you figure out because it’s your fucking practice, but if you need a starting guide check out the video below.
It’s usually the simple experiences in life that have the most profound effects on us.
4. Don’t Expect Shit
Expectation is predicated on some future occurrence. Creating an expectation negates happiness and peace.
When you expect anything, you are in-fact expecting the outcome of an event as it meets your needs. In essence you’re in a delusional fucking fantasy. You can’t control how others will act so let go of thinking it.
Thinking about what you can’t control only wastes energy and creates it’s own enemy — Worf (StarTrek Next Generation)
My solution — Just surrender to life. Put effort when appropriate but lose attachment to the outcomes because you never had control in the first place.
You just might become happier.
5. Most people suck
Let me rephrase that, they’re probably good people, but they suck away precious energy from your life and you’re constantly stuck in situations that aren’t healthy for the mind.
Energy is our most precious commodity.
As I’ve gotten older, my circle of friends has gotten smaller. I prefer it this way. When I have conversations they are a deep meaningful exchange.
The people who cause us the most strife and grief can be those close to us. It used to be hard to separate myself because I felt obligated to be a friend or family member, but I knew I needed to step away.
My solution — It’s not your job to fix anybody. If you want to live this life to its fullest potential, then you have to slowly remove yourself from those that cause you negativity. It’s a choice and a rather difficult one to make (I know from experience).
6. Eat Healthier & Fuck Vegans
Who cares what you eat! Food is about sustenance.
Who cares about vegans and their latest statistics on how much CO2 emissions the factory farming industry is responsible for? Who cares that not eating meat can save enough water to wash Donald Trumps Ego.
I don’t even like animals. I hate deer. They just stand there like a bunch of pricks. Sometimes I’m trying to get into the interstate and they won’t move!! What the fuck deer!
Food is about the body. If you’ve eaten shit that’s gotten you constipated and lethargic, perhaps it’s wise not to eat that shit.
Sounds simple enough.
Discipline with our food choices is born when we put forth awareness in our decisions.
There’s a direct correlation between what you eat and how you see and feel about the world. We have an abundance of choice when it comes to food, but with this comes responsibility. Choose wisely.
My solution — Simply be aware of what you put in your body. Eat more raw food, but ultimately do your own research for you are the scientist of your vessel.
By the way did I mention I was vegan. It’s not the right nor best diet for everyone, but after eating meat for 26–27 years of my life, I’ve found something that works. Even if it’s not for you, I’m sure your ass can benefit from more raw fruits and veggies.
I post recipes and videos on healthy and fucking delicious meals on my website veganswamy. Check me out.
7. Don’t be an Ungrateful Prick
Nearly 1/2 of the world’s population — more than 3 billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day. More than 1.3 billion live in extreme poverty — less than $1.25 a day. 1 billion children worldwide are living in poverty. According to UNICEF, 22,000 children die each day due to poverty.
Have you gone without shelter today? Did you exhibit hunger pains today? Did you experience extreme cold to the point that it was life threatening?
If you said no, then you are one lucky fucking prick.
Sure, we all appreciate these things from time to time, but then we forget and become unhappy because we seek the illusion of more.
I have a list that I read from every morning that has all that I’m grateful for. I wrote an article called Gratitude is a practice if you want more insight.
Make it a practice to appreciate what you have every fucking day.
8. Fuck the labels
I was born a boy in America. My parents migrated here from the Islands of Fiji and our ancestral background comes from India, but I could have been born a girl in South America brought up in Germany by Chinese parents. Who the fuck knows why I was born? Nonetheless, I’m grateful, but thinking this way let’s me look at the circus of life differently.
With every breath out, I’m closer to death so wasting energy on nationalistic pride, religion, race, gender, and political affiliation just doesn’t vibe with me.
I wrote an article on how I’m divorced from identity. Take a read if time permits.
My solution — Identity exists on paper and it’s not going away, but it doesn’t have to exist in my soul and it doesn’t have to be a representation of how I see my world.
The outer shells that people carry doesn’t begin to describe the true beauty and potential they contain.
On my death bed I will not be thinking about stupid labels that have been conjured up that derive false meaning.
If labels don’t matter when I die, why should they matter now? This is an excellent segway to my last and final lesson.
9. We’re Fucking Dying!
What if today was your last day? How would you feel? What would you do? How would you act? I encourage you to think about this more often.
We know that we will all die soon, but act like this isn’t the case.
Whenever I’m faced with a problem I ask myself, “ If I were to die today, would this bother me?” The answer is usually no, so I quickly move on.
You will die. I will die. Your wife, husband, kids, parents, friends, family, dog and every person you ever saw since the beginning of your life will die, decompose and rot. If not, they will be cremated and turned into ash.
If I die, I want it to be in India, because they incinerate the dead with clarified butter. YUM!
Death is imminent. It’s happening right now. With every breath out, you are closer to being” knocked the fuck out” (Chris Tucker voice).
Death is a relative term, and for me death is now. I enjoy time with friends and family a lot more. I sip my tea slower and enjoy my food more. I take my time when in nature and breathe in the nutrient rich oxogen.
FINAL POINT AND THE REASON FOR THIS POST
All the spiritual stuff I’ve been reading about over the years has lead me to one truth and one only.
When faced with death only two variables come to mind. Love and Fear. One is an illusion and the other is a reality.
LOVE is the only thing available in the face of death and Love is all there ever was and ever will be.
If you live as though you will die, you only have love. You only have time to smile and enjoy this temporary paradise.
A smile is your souls resume, so smile more.
Closing
Perhaps you can relate to some of the shit I spewed out today, and maybe not.
Develop your own philosophy (fancy word for the love of wisdom) and what will help you best.
My advice is to keep an open mind and look at all of life as a tool so you can understand yourself better.
Death is going to happen so stop being a fucking douche and allow love and joy to unfold and put to rest the problems that aren’t important.
I choose to live like I’m dying all the time.
This is the only way I know how to enjoy the fucking circus we call….LIFE.
(btw, I didn’t use the word bitch)
With fucking Love,
Anand
(Check out my blog @ findingswamy.com for more articles on spirituality and personal development)
