I hope you aren’t a day over 25, because you write with all the emotional restraint, subtlety and coherence of a child. Do you think you’re the first — or even 10th person — to drop the staggering (but false) claim that, “Apple isn’t a really a technology company.”

“AirPods are sex sticks that fuck your ears.”

You’re an idiot. Get off the adderall, learn how to tie an idea to a thesis, and v.v., and maybe, in 10 years you’ll be able to write about something without sounding like a spastic carnival barker, late for the show.