I’m Afraid
…and it’s #notokay, but it’s why #ImWithHer
I never, ever thought I would use that hashtag. #ImWithHer
For more than a year, I have been #BernieOrBust. All of 2016, I have worked hard as an activist with different organizations to overturn Citizens United, to end corruption within the government, to restore voting rights to every citizen in this country, no matter who they are. It is a fight that is far from over. My passion for creating these changes is a large part of why I vowed I would never vote for Hillary Clinton, who has proven to be one of the most corrupt politicians out there.
For months, I have been told, “You’ll only help elect Trump if you vote third party/write in Bernie” and scoffed. For months, I have looked askance at people who say Hillary is a much better candidate than Trump. In my opinion, they are two sides of the same coin, but one is obnoxious and loud about it, while the other is subtle and sneaky. I do not believe she will adhere to the more progressive platform the Democratic party created, and I definitely don’t believe she wants to overturn Citizens United. Her campaign took away voting rights during this election, and multiple cases of deceit and corruption have been proven by recent Wikileaks. Hillary Clinton is the face of the Oligarchy that I so want to overthrow.
But if we elect her, we can focus on continuing the fight to restore a true democracy so that We, the People, will be heard. With someone who is that deeply entrenched in the oligarchy as our leader, we will be able to see more of what is happening and strategize to make our voices heard against the corruption. If we elect Trump, we effectively silence anyone who isn’t a white man… especially anyone who identifies as female.
Trump is a sexual predator who insults women, and boasts about how he can “get away” with doing whatever he wants to them.
Sexual assault is an overwhelming issue in this country, as has been proven by the millions of stories told in response to Kelly Oxford’s Twitter thread, #notokay. Putting a man like this in charge will only make more men and boys think that this sort of behavior towards women is okay. Putting a man like this in charge will only intensify the fear that women experience daily.
I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults over the course of my life. I suffer from PTSD due to these assaults. For the past few years, I have had my symptoms — severe anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation — under control. This month, it has been 7 years since I was raped — the last and scariest of the physical assaults I suffered. Now, I am having nightmares again. There is a man who is one of the top candidates to be the leader of our country, and he would make things similar to what I suffered even more “normal” in our society than they are now.
Nowadays, I never go out in public without my bright pink canister of mace on my keychain, as well as a pocket knife hidden within easy reach. Most women I know also carry mace, or a taser, or walk with their keys spaced between their fingers, or even carry a handgun. We quicken our steps when a man catcalls us on the streets, or try to make ourselves as small as possible when a man stares too long on the bus. We wear headphones when alone at a coffee shop so that maybe a man won’t say something, and we go to public restrooms in groups not just to chat, but out of solidarity, protecting each other with numbers.
That is everyday life for women in America—being certain that we have both mental and physical shields against attack before leaving our homes. How much more frightening will our world become if we elect a leader who is the epitome of everything we arm ourselves against?
Thanks to President Obama, the term “sexual assault survivor” now appears in federal code with a new “bill of rights” created for victims of sexual assault within this country.
When I found out, I cried out of bittersweet joy. Things could have gone so much better for me if something like this had been in place 7 years ago, but this was an amazing step forward for any survivors currently fighting for justice, and any future victims. Moments later, I saw the news about the “Trump Tapes” and my tears lost any trace of joy. If this man gets into office, the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Rights Act would not be upheld. Rights for victims and survivors would only decrease. There are millions of women who, like me, would be living in a constantly triggered state if Trump were ever to become president. We are triggered already with the news constantly being full of his vitriol.
That is why, as much as I hate it, I am voting out of fear this year. This November, #ImWithHer — not because I support Hillary, but because I want to be sure all women in this country are safe from having any extra fear added to their daily life.
This is not me trying to convince anyone else to vote one way or another. This is me, explaining why I am voting out of fear instead of for my morals — and why I believe it is warranted at this moment in time. It doesn’t mean I no longer #FeelTheBern. It definitely does not mean that I am giving up. I am going to continue my work as an activist alongside a campaign for congress in 2018, and mark my words — this will be the last time I vote for the lesser of two evils.
