The Worst Bully You’ll Ever Encounter
Learn the truth about how dangerous negative self-talk can be.
Have you ever heard a voice in your head that says:
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not strong enough
- I can’t do it
We’ve all felt the effects of negative self-talk. Sometimes life’s circumstances feel so adverse that we think there must be something wrong with us. “Why can’t I live the life I want to? Why can’t I just be happy?”
We all have days when negative thoughts get us down, but when negative thinking becomes habitual it can be devastating.
Just like a drug addiction, self-destructive thoughts usually start out small. We beat ourselves up for small mistakes we make throughout the day. We tell ourselves negative things like: “That was stupid,” Why can’t I get this right?” “Why do I even bother?”
If our bad feelings go unchecked, we might move on to graver assaults on our self-image: “I’ll never be good enough,” “Nobody likes me,” “I’m totally worthless.”
From there, things have the potential to take a sharp turn for the worse. Next thing we know, we have thoughts like, “I don’t deserve to live,” “I’d be better off dead.”
That’s what happened to me.
During the years of my addiction, I learned a whole new meaning of the word misery.
I won’t lie to you, at first, drugs made me happy. Being high felt incredible. I was always the cool guy at the party. I was popular and people loved me.
But it didn’t last. My highs quickly became lows, and I didn’t know why. I wanted to quit, but I felt powerless to do so. It’s like there was a voice inside my head telling me how pathetic I was, how damaged and worthless.
Eventually I got to the point where I couldn’t take it any more. The voice in my head had torn me down to my bare bones. There was nothing left. And so I decided to end my life.
Looking back at that time, I realize how irrational the idea was. I had been alive for 22 years, and the time and the actual time I wanted to kill myself spanned only 3 short days. But it was real. I really was going to do it.
How did it get so bad? Why did I beat myself up to the point where I thought I deserved to die? What was this voice in my head?
I’ve come to call this voice The Bully.
What is The Bully?
“The worst bullies you’ll ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts” — Bryant McGill
When I was young I thought that I was the only one who heard a negative voice in my head, but over the years of coaching others, I’ve discovered that EVERYONE does. Everyone has a Bully.
The Bully embodies every negative thought we have about ourselves. It’s the voice that resides in every one of us and tries to keep us from loving ourselves and experiencing joy.
I can guarantee that you have heard the voice of The Bully in your own life. Think back to a time when you felt anxiety, or depression. Think of a time when you were trying to change a negative behavior but felt powerless to do so.
What were your thoughts? What kinds of things did you believe about yourself?
That’s the voice of The Bully.
The Bully tells us that we have no choice, that we are powerless to change and will always be the way we are, that we are a victim of our circumstances, that we are broken, damaged, and less-than.
The Bully reinforces these negative thoughts until they become our beliefs. And that’s where The Bully becomes truly dangerous because our belief systems shape who we are.
Our beliefs define us, drive us, and guide us to make choices about how we will live our lives. If we give The Bully the power to change our beliefs, there’s no telling what awful lives of self-destruction we might lead.
I know you’ve heard this voice before and I know it has caused pain and heartache in your life. But I also know that you don’t have to let him rule your life. You can stand up to The Bully and change your beliefs about yourself.
The first step in beating The Bully is learning to recognize its voice.
The Bully always lies
There’s one thing that all of The Bully’s attacks have in common. They are all utterly and invariably FALSE.
Everything The Bully tells you is untrue!
I know it might feel at the time that what The Bully tells you is the truth, but that’s exactly The Bully’s intention! The Bully tells you lies about yourself and then expects you to believe them. And The Bully won’t hold up until you believe the garbage it spews.
But you don’t HAVE to. You can confidently know that when The Bully tries to get you down, whatever it’s saying is untrue.
When The Bully says that something is “too hard for you,” that’s a lie. Sure, a certain experience or event might be hard, but it’s not too hard. When you really think about it, there’s nothing you can’t handle. You will survive.
When The Bully says you’re powerless to change, that’s a lie as well! You have the ability to choose what you want to be and how you want to live, even though it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.
During my addiction I believed everything The Bully told me. The Bully dished it out and I took it — no questions asked.
It took a change in my Belief System to realize that The Bully was lying to me. I wasn’t worthless; I was valuable! I wasn’t helpless; I was powerful!
The only reason I WAS miserable, depressed, and addicted is because I BELIEVED what The Bully was telling me. As soon as I realized that The Bully was lying to me, my life started changing. It was as simple as that.
I can guarantee that for everything The Bully says about you, the opposite is true. I know it’s difficult to believe at first, but it’s the truth.
Just try it. Every time The Bully says something negative to you, say the opposite to yourself instead. If The Bully says “No one likes you,” say out loud, “Everyone loves me!” When The Bully says “You’re not good enough,” say instead “I’m everything I want to be!”
As you come to realize that The Bully lies, you will have more power to take a stand. You know that what The Bully say is not true. Deep down you know it.
It takes strength to withstand The Bully’s attacks at first, but over time it will become easier. The truth about who you really are will become a part of your Belief System and your life will change.
The Bully is powerless
The second thing you need to know is that The Bully is completely powerless. The Bully can’t make you do, think, or believe anything you don’t want to.
At times it seems like The Bully never shuts up, like it’s the one who’s making you feel the way you do, and like there’s nothing you can do to stop it— but that’s not the case.
The truth is, you are the only one who can make choices for yourself. No one else in the world can make you feel anything you don’t want to — especially not The Bully.
When we take the lies of The Bully and make them a part of our reality, it’s because we are CHOOSING to believe what it says. We are choosing to succumb to The Bully’s attacks.
But if you can choose to listen to The Bully and make its put-downs a part of your belief system, you can also choose ignore its voice. You have the power to say NO, to refuse to listen to The Bully and replace its hurtful words with the truth.
I’m not saying that The Bully’s attacks will stop. I have now been clean and sober for 26 years and The Bully still comes to visit every now and then. But now I know how to deal with it. I know that The Bully is a liar and has no power over me.
The Bully can whisper. The Bully can scream. But The Bully can’t force us to do a single thing. You are the only person with power over what you choose to do and feel.
The truth is the cure
You may be thinking at this point: “Great. The Bully can’t make me do anything I don’t choose to, but it’s never going to stop trying? How am I supposed to deal with its perpetual his abuse?”
There is one way to silence the voice of The Bully, and that’s with the truth.
When we tell ourselves the truth about who we are, we start thinking differently and we begin to shape our belief systems for the better. When we believe that we are powerful, capable, and creative, we become so. When we speak the truth, it give us the power change our reality.
The thing about The Bully is … The Bully can’t handle the truth. It’s the part of yourself that knows only lies and negativity. When you constantly speak the truth, The Bully’s voice will become drowned out. Eventually, you will come to the point where you can hardly hear the voice of The Bully at all.
Remember, The Bully is just that — a bully! You can stand up to it. You can beat it. You can make your life YOUR LIFE again.
–Todd
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