You still missed the point.
Stop assuming you know what people need from you. Stop assuming you know what’s best. Just like everyone, we’re figuring it out as we go. We are learning about ourselves while we navigate environments that try to diminish us. They strip us of our humanity, autonomy, and self-hood.
When you assume you know my mind, desires, and needs, you are doing the same thing.
When you assume you know what’s best for me, you are doing the same thing.
When you insert your “help” before asking if I need your help, you’re doing the same thing.
In the battle for equal rights, it’s not just about Black people, women, POCs, or people with disabilities. It’s about everyone. It is about our collective humanity. It is also about you. But it’s not about your need to be a hero. We don’t need heroes. We need people to care about each other without having to cannibalize one another to do it.
Stop treating people like victims and treat them like humans. If you want to help someone, ask them if they need help and what kind of help they need. Not everyone needs or wants it.
Think about how men treat you — as though they know your needs and thoughts and can solve your issues for you without ever asking if you have them. Think about how they try to assert their needs to feel strong/protective/heroic/manly over your individuality. Think about how other people chastise you for refusing to accept that some man’s ego is more important than you — your needs, your wants, your individuality. Cuz that is the behavior you’re exhibiting right now.
If you want to do better, you need to stop doing is putting your ego front and center in other people’s fights for their lives. If your intent is to help, you are failing at it because all you see is yourself and your martyrdom for wanting to help those you think are helpless.
This is one of the ways oppression works and the assumption that people need your help is supremacist thinking — white supremacist thinking considering that this dialogue includes me, a Black woman.
So instead of assuming you know best, or that we need or want your help, how about starting with the simple question of “do you need help?” and then respecting the answer you receive. You can let people know that you are there if they need you without overriding their autonomy. Work on that.