“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” — Madeleine Albright (2/6/16)
Setting the Record Straight: An Open Letter from Tara Subkoff
It’s ironic: I just made a film called #Horror. It’s a dark portrayal of teenage cyberbullying, the current cultural obsession with collecting “likes” on social media, and the ugly lengths people will go to in order to procure them. That my film itself is largely about female bullying is an irony that writer Lynn Hirschberg seems to have missed. The exclusive interview I granted W magazine was supposed to be about my film, but instead it is a grownup version of exactly what I made a film about: a toxic instance of girl on girl abuse laced with sexist bias.
Gender inequality still plagues our society on every level. In Maureen Dowd’s recent cover story for T Magazine, 100 women working in film and television bravely spoke out against the culture of sexism endemic to our industry. But men aren’t the only ones to blame. We must acknowledge that women also play a role in perpetuating sexism, particularly those who, in order to succeed in a man’s world, choose not to support other women, but to crucify them in exchange.
Instead of writing about my film, Lynn focused almost exclusively on my personal life, dredging up gossip from anonymous sources in order to paint me as an “operator” who exploits personal relationships for professional gain.
Would such a piece ever be written or published about a male filmmaker? I doubt it. I have never read an article like this about a man. Somehow male artists, actors and directors in particular seem to get a pass on their personal lives. How many women they have slept with, how they treat women and what these women may have to say about them after the relationship is over goes unnoticed and is not dissected in the media. They are allowed and encouraged to let their art speak for them. It turns out women do not always have that choice.
Before we scheduled our first interview for the W feature, Ms. Hirschberg and I agreed that the piece would be about my movie and my experience writing, directing and producing it. She seemed to understand that I didn’t want my first exclusive feature on me and my film to be eclipsed by my past or by the men I have dated. During our first interview, she asked questions about the making of the film and said she was particularly impressed by the performances of the unknown 12-year-old actresses. I suggested we all get together so she could include them in the article. She seemed excited by this and agreed. I was about to shoot the girls for a short campaign for Bridg-it — an app I am working with that helps to report and stop cyberbullying in schools. I arranged the shoot on a weekend when Ms. Hirschberg told me that she could be there. She never showed up. We had to reschedule and I asked all the girls to come to a pizzeria in Little Italy after school a few weeks later. I don’t know why none of this was included in her article. It seems so much more relevant to my film than my unnamed ex-boyfriends’ opinions of me.
I intended #Horror as social commentary, an exploration of the darkest ways girls today interact with each other. We need some new stories for women, stories that don’t just paint them as girlfriends and sidekicks, so that young girls can have a different focus. New frontiers. I brought this up with Ms. Hirschberg and explained what I was trying to do. But I guess she didn’t think this was relevant or timely to include in her piece.
Ms. Hirschberg mostly wanted to talk about my marriage to artist Urs Fischer, his career successes and upcoming exhibit, the brain tumor I was diagnosed with in 2009 and my past relationships, particularly my relationship with Wes Anderson that ended over a decade ago. He and I haven’t seen each other since. I reminded Ms. Hirschberg that we both know how much Wes values his privacy and that I didn’t think he would want to be a part of the piece.
But I did tell one story I thought Wes wouldn’t mind me sharing since it pertains to our mutual love of film, especially old films. While I was recovering from brain surgery, Wes sent me a beautiful box of Criterion Collection classic movies. The early Goldie Hawn movies were my favorite, particularly Cactus Flower. It was the best get-well present I received and I am still very touched of how thoughtful this was and so grateful to Wes for sending me a box of hope during the most challenging time of my life.
I suppose this story did not fit into the one that Ms. Hirschberg had already written in her head. Instead, her article insidiously suggests that I fabricated or exaggerated my illness. My friend Mark Ruffalo was diagnosed with the same type of brain tumor I had and had the same type of brain surgery as I did. The specific name is called an acoustic neuroma. Somehow Mark was able to speak about his health crisis in the past tense and not be defined by it. Its severity has never been questioned by the media and he has never been painted as a hysteric or a liar. If Ms Hirschberg had done her research, confirming my diagnosis with my neurosurgeon or my family, she might have learned that I still suffer from its painful, lasting effects. This part for me is the lowest of the low. Why not adequately fact check someone’s personal health crisis and ask their family or doctors before believing gossip from unqualified sources? To me, the only compelling angle to take for this article is that I was able to write, direct and produce a feature film after all I’ve been through. So many women suffer quietly through various health crises that limit their lives and careers. I was proud to come back from my pain and to share my story, hoping to inspire other women to do the same.
Last spring, I ran into Ms. Hirschberg on an airplane back from Cannes. She gave me a big hug and invited me to an “it girls” lunch thrown by W in her honor. Most of the attendees were Instagram stars and fashion bloggers in their early 20’s. She gave a speech about how she always wanted to be an “it girl” when she was young. It’s funny, because I never cared or thought much about what an “it girl” is. And I’m definitely not an “it girl”, or any type of girl, anymore. I’m a woman in my early 40’s and I am proud to have lived a very full life and made work that I continue to stand by.
I’m also proud to say I am a feminist. I believe in equal rights, equal opportunities and equal pay for women everywhere, and that we have a responsibility to stand up for ourselves and for each other. It’s time to make hatchet pieces like Ms. Hirschberg’s a thing of the past. As women, in the arts and beyond, we should demand that our work be criticized on its own merits, and not be judged by our health crises, who we slept with, or what exes are willing to talk about us anonymously. To expect anything less is to accept unequal treatment as the norm.
#Horror will release on DVD and VOD April 5, 2016
