Overall, it’s not that the article is poorly written; you have a pleasant narrative style, and your story is engaging to follow. However, the overall effect is a bit unintentionally Trumpish, despite efforts to avoid mentioning him in more than one paragraph. You spend an enormous amount of time (14 paragraphs!) on yourself, your accomplishments, your history, and then more time still blaming others for not living up to your exacting demands of them — in volunteer positions, no less. There’s a weak effort to appeal to the public opinion that might sympathize with these overworked and unpaid volunteers (‘but I don’t blame the people I just berated — I blame myself for being too exact and detailed in my work’, as if that was a negative character trait?), and then we finish off with an insistence not to make this political, a weak “hate crimes are bad, guys,” and a triumphant return to yourself. The story has come to its happy ending, the bad events (which are largely glossed over) have made me stronger, now go attend the convention and celebrate this great thing I made!
Alright, so … I have some questions.
Kally A.
6

I’m at a loss for how to respond, except to say that I appreciate your feedback and the time you took to provide it. But there are so many things in this paragraph alone that I simply do not understand.

I can say that I disagree with the implication that I made a fopax by mentioning Trump and then not centering the article around him.

I also disagree with the assertion that there is something wrong with the focus of the article being on my story and the lesson that I learned. I tagged the article “Life Lessons” after all.

Yes, it’s about me. I’m sorry that you feel that was inappropriate somehow.