Airbnb-ing the NHS, Don’t Abandon This Innovation
Impressed with the entrepreneurial élan expressed by the neoliberaltactular Airbnb meets NHS ‘idea’, I am delighted announce-
Dr Rickstein’s Castle of Health & Wellbeingness™
While lesser mortals have baulked and abandoned the proposals I shall step into the breach. Yes folks, you can can enjoy being whisked in and -operated upon- then out of hospital, whereupon you will be ferried by our deluxe uber-horse drawn-carriage which will go to the castle after midnight, guaranteed! On arrival our team of healthcare professionals: Igor, The Sirens, Order of the Cenobites, and duty physician Dr Maximus Atoscapita, will welcome you to your room and draw up your care plan.
THERE WILL BE NO NEED TO BE AFRAID.
We have a variety of vessels, jars, vials, & pods to store your brain in and no shortage of life giving electricity to course through your bodies to make them obey my every command to be well! During your stay you can check out any time you want, although your organs may need to be retained for training purposes. I will meet with you individually and devise a personalised RECOVERY PLAN, upon signing a solemn contract in blood, we can embark upon a new adventure in post corporeal mindfulness & wellnessosity.
EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED
Your friends and relatives are WELCOME to visit, simply tell them to drive down the old farm track in the dead of night and they are sure to break down and wander lost until they see our welcoming gatepost lanterns. Whereupon our visitation experience engineers will make them comfortable in separate guest rooms with ensuite portraits whose eyes really do seem to follow you around the room.
MENS SANA IN CORPORE SANO
Your path to a new life will be sped along by our onsite health spa overseen by world renowned expert Dr Hanna Mengele (relation). Every aspect of you mind and body shall be tested and explored by her tender needles. And imagine the delight should you be suitable to become -the literal- eyes and ears of Global Genius Elon Musk, or the life and soul of the party at Villa Salo where you will meet the leaders of the G8 nations and learn their every intimate secret!
Just look what some of our customers have to say about us:
‘I will obey you with absolute obedience and love, my dark cruel overlord of lies’ — Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsor.
‘The hair burrows into me and whispers’ — Donald J Trump
‘Make it stop, please!’ — Keith Rupert Murdoch
‘Loved it, even the spawn were kept busy infesting the faithless’ — Cthulhu The Sleeper of R’lyeh