Something common and desperate
Last night, my plan to read a book called Blaze by Stephen King, and two comedies, New Girl Season 2 and Crashing Season 1, came to fruition.
BLAZE At first, when I found these books, I was just aimlessly searching some books in library. I think it should be rewritten as: “Then a name, Stephen King, caught my eye. He was a famous writer I had heard of long ago, but I had never read any of his books before. So without a second thought, I picked it off the shelf and read it. After I finished, I surprisingly found I preferred to the postscript to the content. In short, the main plot is about a merciful dumbo who kidnaps a baby with with his dead friend’s soul. But in the postscript, Stephen King vividly describes his feelings surrounding his rehabilitating experience after a desperate accident. I could clearly feel the desperation at first, then the transition to hope in the end. That was what moved me. I don’t think there is anything more inspiring than finding a small light in the desperate and scary dark.
Crashing is also written by the same genius, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who wrote Fleabag. I’m fond of her work after watching Fleabag. I eagerly searched up her other works and found Crashing. I enjoyed the whole season without stopping. The most oft-repeated line of dialogue in it is: “what happens when the laughter stops?” I have to admit that every time these words appeared on the screen, I was shocked with the actor’s skill. What a thoughtful dialogue with philosophy and truth in life. I was moved. How awesome Phoebe Waller-Bridge is, that she can write this dialogue!!!
New Girl stars Zooey Deschanel, who is my most favorite actress. It is such a funny comedy that you can’t help but keep watching. I watched New Girl without any subtitles for the purpose of hearing practice. There are so many episodes in New Girl, which contrasts with Fleabag and Crashing, where there are only 6 episodes each. So you can burst into laughter and tears so many times. I have a dream that I spend an entire day just watching New Girl without distraction, relishing the enjoyment.
The World According To Bob is the next book I plan to read. The book is about a cat named Bob, who was a light in the author’s life when the author was going through a dark period. It is a warm and comforting book.
Let’s talk about something upsetting. I major in computer science, which I highly dislike. There is a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I have to face the uninteresting classes, homework, and the endless pain. I feel depressed. The first time I selected my major, my parents didn’t allow me to choose what I wanted and I picked computer science against my will. One day, I felt I had been just stranded on the edge of my life, and I crumbled. I burst into tears. They wouldn’t know their wrong choice made me so miserable. But the worst thing about it was that we had no other choice or chance to change the situation. I have to wait and spend my 4 years in my life in this misadventure. Thank god, I was saved by the sense of pain and the image of my parents’ desperate faces if they knew. But nothing changes. I feel more depressed the more time goes by. When I took a nap this afternoon, I had a feeling that if I didn’t wake up that moment, I would die. I tried not to wake up. And I felt a strong headache. My body became sore. I could not breathe gradually. It was so painful that I opened my eyes forcibly. Thank god again. Now I think I have some symptoms of depression. I have decided to find a psychologist to check if I have depression. If I have it, I will tell my parents and discuss if I should have a break from my studies.
Finally, I know that I am about to write a lot but thanks for reading it.