I am enjoying this conversation as well! I think I understand the conflict you’ve described here.
Being in deep stealth, to me, would be denying a part of your struggle to be authentically you. And there’s also the aspect of not being able to fully reveal yourself to your partner, your children.
At the same time, as you said, you are a woman, and to reveal that your body did not match your identity for any period in time is an anathema that is easily understood.
The horrible part to me is that you feel that you cannot admit your reality even to those close to you. I don’t know that I could live like that. I don’t like the fact that I write under a pseudonym, but, I think it’s necessary for my girl’s sake not to mention my own sanity. If my family saw what I’ve been writing about them, I’d have more shit to deal with than I really care to hear about..! And that’s just a tiny bit of hiding that I’m doing.
I think, for me, not being able to talk about the journey you’ve been on your entire life would feel too much like hiding a vital part of who I am. Of course, it’s different for everyone, and thinking back to the way the world was for the entirety of the LGBTQIA community 30 years ago, I can certainly understand why you would go deep stealth. I can only hope the world is a better place now, even with the orange one preparing to take back 50 years of progress!
You do you. And what feels comfortable to you. Fuck the rest! They’re not in your skin, ya know?