Oh, my Alexainie… my lady Zainy… I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I am even more sorry now that I didn’t read this before responding to your email looking out for me and my welfare during your time of grief! That you were able to make peace with the flawed man that he was, and find a place of love and acceptance for him, all of him, before he died speaks volumes to the amazing woman that you are…
I don’t know if I will have the same chance with my Dad, but, I am trying to make that peace.
I hope you know that for as long as he is remembered, cherished in those memories, and missed with the heartfelt longing that you have expressed here? He will never be truly gone from your lives. He lives on in your hearts and the merest thought of him will bring him to life all over again…
Just a few days ago, I was struggling with an impossible decision… my heart was broken and I badly needed help to make that decision. I bowed my head, looked at the gorgeous lake that was in front of me, and called my Granny’s name. Thirty five years later, she still answers me… Loudly, clearly, and if there is any doubt in my mind that it is her voice that I hear in my heart? She sends tiny white butterflies to cross my path and remind me that she loved me with every fiber of her being.
The same will be true for you and your Dad. He will answer you if you call on him. You’ll experiment with that BBQ sauce recipe until you get it just right. He’ll help you. You’ll talk to him about your kids, and he’ll hear you. And he’ll find a way to send you a moment of comfort when you least expect it.
I am so very, very sorry I wasn’t here in your time of loss and grief. I can only hope that any of my words here will help you to find some peace in these dark days.
My heart is with you and yours. ❤