Oh no, not again
I’ve been wanting to talk about what i feel and think, but my voice is silent and my head is too loud, making so much noise that it’s impossible to hear anything clearly.
This confusion is agonizing, for we simply don’t understand how to communicate the things that are important to us. It brings a lonely feeling, for sure
You want to bond, but everyone seems too distant from your point of view. You want to reach out for something, but your hands are tight by invisible enemies. You want to speak, but your voice seems sultry. You’re trapped and simply lost the map to get out from your own mind.
It’s never easy, and the feeling of hopelessness and not feeling good enough haunts our every action, but we try to make through the day without giving so much thought to those feelings.
But they find their way in so subtly and begins to grow like a tumor during the day. Suddenly, you’re paralyzed, not knowing how to react and with a desire to rip your chest apart.
But you can’t, you have to stay and deal with a burning and uncomfortable feeling running through your body like water runs through the rivers. Calmly and violently at the same time.
How to break this chain i don’t know. I’ve tried so many different ways and even fooled myself thinking i was free of it. But freedom is subjective concept. For me it represents using pain not to only know you’re alive and a human after all, but also as a form of creation. And that is what i choose to do. I take my tears and from them a create, i write, and i try to make my voice be heard, even if it’s only inside my mind.