Hello Old Friend

I decided on English Writing. That was my major for the full year I was in college at the University of Colorado Denver. It still seems so strange to refer to myself as college dropout, as if my short time at a university qualifies myself as being associated with college or the college experience in any way. I hated college. I felt very alone while I was at college. I didn’t live on campus, I would commute to school. And I didn’t have time to go out and do fun things on campus because I worked while going to school. I’d like to think maybe I’d like college now that I have other things to talk to people about but I end up feeling alone when I’m around large groups of people anyways.

Such a funny feeling, isn’t it? Feeling lonely in a crowd. I think only a few individuals (mainly introverts, let’s face it) could relate to such an experience. Usually when I’m with a group of people, I have to put on some kind of front, a mask if you will, otherwise people will just tend to ignore me. And it’s pretty exhausting, both being ignored and having to put on a mask for the sake of other people. But not everyone is patient with people and I’m a person who needs a considerable amount of patience. I’m anxious and nervous and it’s excruciatingly difficult for me to open up in a real and meaningful way. And there are a lot of people who understand and sympathize with that. There a lot of people who don’t get that. And either one is okay.

But written word has been a friend of mine for many years. Written words stay with you. Written words comfort you. Written words are a reminder that you’re not alone. If it wasn’t for written words, the world would be a pretty lonely place for people like me. So today I’m especially thankful for written words, even if they are my own. Because even my own written words are almost sort of like someone is writing them to me, even if it is me. And I’d like to take the time to say to myself that I love me. I don’t always show it, but I do. And I love writing as well. It’s a love I haven’t done much to take care of recently but now, I think I’m going to change that. Hello, old friend.