Self-Trust but Verify
Recently I’ve been feeling like I’ve fallen through the cracks a little bit. Many of my friends have all gotten jobs or moved on to grad school. Those who have stayed around have all gotten opportunities and are saving up to go after their passions later on in life. I see quite a bit of happy faces in supportive communities all over social media. And it pisses me off.
It really hit me recently when I went to a networking event and realized the sheer inane nature of it all. I was blabbing to random strangers about things they didn’t care about, and they were waiting until they could brag about what they were doing. It was worthless. I wasn’t creating, I was merely talking about creating. Entrepreneurship, a bullshit french word, is very fake.
There is this danger of “innovation theater.” It’s the myth of the sole inventor toiling away in a garage to make something amazing. It’s what happens when you spend 20% of your time actually working and looking for opportunities and the other 80% only playing house. The problem with innovation theater is that nobody cares. You’re catering to their expectations, not your own.
The real shit show is when you have to spend the majority of time convincing others that what you’re doing is worthwhile. The constant worry from your family, friends, and strangers, paired with internal self-doubt is a double-whammy that eats up huge amounts of time.
If I kept track of how much time I actually spend pitching the ideas that I’m working on in the lab, and justifying what I’m doing post-grad, I would probably find a sizable imbalance in the time spent in my life. The truth is that no one gives a shit about what you’re doing until you’re successful by societal standards. Then they pay attention.
I fucked up in school. I studied something that I didn’t enjoy, with professors who weren’t supportive and virtually no local career options based on what I studied. I graduated with a ‘C’ average (2.7), which eliminates me from most potential internships. Since I spent my summers working for startups that never gained traction, I don’t have much to show for my work. Also, since I’m not in school anymore, I am ineligible for many different opportunities.
This is the dark abyss of post-graduation. I’m in a deep hole of my own making. I don’t have much of a portfolio. I don’t have mentors. I don’t have an academic record. I don’t have the kind of experience I want.
The trouble is, I’m not a dumb ass. I’m smart, confident, ambitious, imaginative and can learn incredibly quick. I don’t make the same mistakes twice, and I don’t want to roll over and get fucked by the world. Normally, kids move back home with their parents and get sucked into whatever high school nostalgic black hole they crawled out of before college. Or they cave in to doing something they don’t want for money. Or they just follow the course that has already been laid out for them because it’s easy. Not me. Not this kid.
It all comes down to the common problem of trust. This will be a problem that we all have throughout our lives. We don’t trust each other. We don’t trust ourselves. Altruism is dead. Long live motivated self-interest. We all want something. Maybe it’s money. Maybe it’s sex. Maybe it’s fame.
I want to solve basic physiological needs with synthetic biology. Food, shelter, etc. The best case scenario would be to live in a world where we wouldn’t have to rely on anything but sunlight.
Not a single person I know trusts that I can do this. There are plenty of “successful” mentors I know with opportunities, but not a single rope offered to pull me out of the hole except one to hang myself with (that is the subject of another post). Why are certain individuals passed up in lieu of others?
Initially I was angry. Then I was worried. But after quite a bit of thought, I’ve come up with a number of different reasons why you shouldn’t be mad if you’re not moving quickly or given opportunities.
- As one door opens, another closes.
Intelligence can be identified by maximizing opportunity. Each opportunity should lead to another opportunity which should lead to an overall goal or purpose. Time is incredibly precious and if you’re teaching yourself and working your ass off, don’t take an easy job just for money.
2. These aren’t the right people.
The environment/community that you’re a part of is essential. Seek out the experts in the field you want to go into. With enough consistent contact, someone will agree to let you help them.
3. Nothing stops a Juggernaut.
An unstoppable force. Don’t give up. You will be able to do it. Just give it time.
4. Ask. It’s hard to say no.
Don’t dance around certain subjects. Be brutally honest. Ask. You’re wasting time if you don’t get to the reason why you’re talking to someone.
5. Shut up. Walk the walk.
Don’t talk. Listen to what others have to say. Behind the scenes make sure you’re working on the coolest cutting-edge stuff so that when the curtain opens, you can surprise the world with your ideas.
So the best thing to do is to not be concerned with not having a job, going to graduate school, or other miscellaneous minor success stories. Success is a figment of the social imagination. I want to change the world. Call me crazy, but I don’t give a shit what you think. I trust myself and over the next couple months I hope to prove it. ❤ ER.