Dating a 19 year old may not be illegal, but this is why it is morally wrong
Many people are puzzled as to why there’s a growing hostility towards men who specifically go after young women who are above the legal age & in their late teens. After all, these women are over the legal age to consent to sexual activity and can make rational decisions on their own and these I agree with. The law is explicit about these but it may sound new or absurd, there are areas where the law doesn’t touch and the law isn’t an accurate measure of what is right or wrong (it could be legal to jail a person for blasphemy or criticising a President, it may also be illegal for a person to love whoever they want or stage a protest against a government), these instances of legality and illegality doesn’t quite mean those things are respectively right and wrong, it just shows the bias of those who made the laws.
When it comes to relationships with young women who are in their late teens, this isn’t to say anyone older than them shouldn’t date them but a situation where a 30 year old is dating a 19 year old becomes suspicious not because of the legal age of consent (which is satisfied in this case) but because of the power imbalance which makes it easy for the young lady to be groomed. A huge number of men often go after these young women because they’re “unproblematic" and “easy to control" obviously due to their lack of experience and many times naivety. Putting into consideration that even older women are taught to be subservient, a young woman of 19 with a 30 year old man will likely be groomed to meet the needs of the man alone without a reciprocity of this kind of servitude.
What do I mean by this? Am I saying an adult is incapable of making decisions for themselves? Of course not, but in a scenario where you’re in a relationship with a person whose motive for being with you is not to love you, partner with you, respect you as a partner and all of that but because he feels you’re easy to control, youre bound to gnash your teeth down the line. You’ll have a scenario where you will see yourself as a 19 year old woman doing these things your 30 year old man is telling you to do because you love him, then you gradually cannot recognize yourself because you have been modified to specifically meet the needs of a man who will not meet your needs because you’re a small girl and what do you know. You find yourself in a relationship where you cannot express yourself because your partner who is supposed to be a companion is now a father figure that shuts you out emotionally.
Everytime he does something that displeases you, you cannot complain because he reminds you of your secondary school teacher or your jamb lesson tutor. It’s never always about sex, ofcourse, you could have sex with him and not commit a crime but you can be groomed without you not even knowing you are being group. Older women get manipulated alot, how much more a young girl at the hands of a 30 year old man?
It’s not illegal but morally, it is predatory and there are men who specifically go after these young adults or wait till they turn 18. It’s not a good look, they know why they have chosen these women. They want someone they can mould, control & groom for self gratification. These young girls are choked with all these attention from these men and are too naive sometimes to see through all of it, the women their age are more likely experienced to tell when someone is manipulating them or better still have access to friends or acquaintances that can tell but for many of these young girls? It’s I love you and insha allah.
