Tough Pills To Swallow In Life (Part 1)
This is going to be my longest write-up so I hope you’re seated in a comfortable place cos this might take a while.
Growing up, I was never a big fan of pills; at a point, I was notorious for pretending to take them only to throw them behind the living room couches or tuck them in between the seats. It made my mother so mad that year that she stopped trusting me to take my meds in her absence…even till now.
Sad huh?
Anyways, life sometimes offers us pills like that…pills that seem to want to choke us but when you look at it closely, they exist to help us, to open our eyes to truths we may not want to accept. Self-deceit is the highest quality of deceit cos if you deceive yourself long enough, you would one day believe it so intensely that anything to the contrary would set you off hard.
Now, I’m going to dive into some tough pills or hard truths about life, relationships, career, and the like. I’m not going to categorize them…just laying them flat as they come to me.
P.S: Normally, I usually would have typed what I’m going to post on here like 5 days earlier but this particular post is quite peculiar so, I decided to type it straight on here. No editing, no suave techniques…just pouring em’ as I see em’.
- NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU
Listen, you can be a literal angel to everyone, halo and all, and some people will not like you. You are not jollof rice and even if you are, not everyone likes jollof rice. I mean, I’ve always been more of a fried rice guy myself. I once knew a girl whilst in the university (well, “knew” is a bit too lax, we did date for a while) and she was sweet…very sweet. She was so sweet to everyone, you could say she was naive. She saw the world in rainbows and butterflies and don’t get me wrong, that’s admirable but you need to understand that as Thanos from Avengers IW said:
“Reality is often disappointing”
Just because you’re a nice person doesn’t mean everyone will be nice to you. That is not to say you should become cold like some billionaire kid whose parents got killed in front of him in an alleyway and he decides to grow up and brood on top of buildings and…you get what I mean sha.
I think you can be nice but ALWAYS set your boundaries. For me, I believe in the “3-strike rule”. Once you betray me three times, I’m done. Naturally, I don’t expect everyone to follow my self-rule. Some people are more forgiving and some are even apathetic towards people even when they mess up but basically, create a self-rule. There is a thin line between being nice and being naive.
(I know I didn’t talk so much about the girl from university and all but you can’t catch me and force it out of me now, can you?)
2. JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE SOMEONE DOESN’T MEAN THEY OUGHT TO LIKE YOU BACK
I know this table has a lot of people on it (especially guys). You see a girl you like, you get close, become her friend, shower her with love, your time, gifts,…in fact, your shoulders should have “designated crying machine for when you go out with some bad boy and get your heart crushed, marinated, shaken not stirred, and served to you in a goblet”(I know I can be a tad bit dramatic but bear with me).
Listen, guys, just because you’re nice to her doesn’t mean you’re entitled to her feelings romantic-wise. I always say that people have the specs that they look out for in their partners and if you aren't her spec, that is FINE. It can even be argued that being friends with someone and showering them with love whilst having the feeling at the back of your mind that since you’ve shown her love like no other, she HAS to reciprocate it is a little manipulative don’t you think? I mean, if she does reciprocate your feelings because you show them to her and not because she wants to, isn’t that “pity”? I don’t think anyone wants to be in a relationship cos the other person feels indebted to them or pities them. That hurts more than heartbreak for real.
So, raise your chin kings, know your worth but most importantly, show love to your female friends not because you want to get her in bed with you but because showing love (to people who deserve it) is good. It is good to be good.
3. YOU CAN’T HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN LIFE
I don’t mean to be “that guy” but I have to be “that guy”. Forget all that motivational brouhaha that people spew at conferences. All that “aspire to maguire your required desire…” or however they coin it and listen to reason:
“You cannot have it all”
This doesn’t mean you cannot be successful in your career and have a wonderful family and live comfortably in your homely home with the love of your life but you need to understand that if wishes were horses, humans would own enough stables.
It seems as though, nowadays, we all want it all. Now, don’t misunderstand me, it is good to aspire for good things and for that good life but many people don’t know when to fold their cards. Everyone wants to raise the stakes (pardon my poker lingua… I don’t play poker). We aren’t content. We are too hungry for everything. In our careers and our finances to even relationships. I don’t mean to sound like an old man but I low-key blame social media. You open your phone and the first thing you see is some kid or some 20-something-year-old lady on a yacht flexing or a 17-year-old in a Ferrari or a Porsche car and we get so hungry for that kind of life only for that hunger to drive many people to take decisions that would alter their very futures. For one thing, you don’t know what those people are doing to make that kind of money, you don’t even know if it’s real or they just rented the cars to look good for the gram and you’re here about to finish your degree or are earning money from your job and you then decide to take “extra measures” to be wealthy.
You see that pressure you’re applying on yourself, is it motivating you or making you blind to see the long-term implications of those decisions you’re about to take? I wish a lot of us can open our eyes to reality. Not everyone will be filthy rich but everyone can be comfortable and happy. Not everyone can drive a Lamborghini but if you are smart and work hard, you can smile in your apartment with your kids and have food on your table cos when push turns to shove, isn’t fulfillment all that matters?
4. YOU CAN’T CHANGE ANYONE
This, this right here is the major problem a lot of people face especially in relationships. The “Savior Complex” is the assumption that if you put in enough work, anyone can be saved but truthfully, you’re not just doing it for their sake but for your secret pleasure to reinstate your relevance in their lives as their “savior” and cement your very existence in their psyche. I know this might sound a bit complex so I will break it down. Please note it is not to be confused with the “Messiah Complex”. Normally, I don’t like going all technical in my write-ups but I will make an exception this one time.
Alright, here we go!
Before I go any further, let’s talk about Dopamine. Dopamine is responsible for allowing you to feel pleasure, satisfaction, and motivation. When you feel good that you have achieved something, it’s because you have a surge of dopamine in the brain. Now, Dopamine is induced from intake of drugs, alcohol, and even getting lots of likes on Instagram. I’m low-key thinking about doing an entire write-up on just Dopamine and my take on it but that’s a story for another day. Anyways, what people don’t know is that Dopamine can also be induced when you evangelize to someone and they convert as well as change or rehabilitate someone from how they used to be. Now, I’m not saying you should have a friend and when you see them veer off the right path, you should be apathetic BUT you need to understand something:
“NO ONE TRULY CHANGES TILL THEY DECIDE THEY’RE DONE”
It’s why people stay in abusive and toxic relationships. It’s why people remain at jobs that treat them like trash. It’s why people continue to push for someone to miraculously see their point of view and follow it but in reality, it isn’t that simple. Until a person does introspection or self-examination, they cannot truly change.
5. NOT EVERYONE IS A GOOD PERSON
When we were kids, we were taught that we were born with a blank canvas so we are all inherently good but I am here to debunk that theory. (Yeah, I love debunking theories. It’s a recent hobby of mine). Anyways, I believe that from the moment we’re born, we struggle against one thing:
“Urges”
Babies are not as innocent as we make them out to be. We are most true to our urges or instincts as infants. Let’s test it out, shall we?
Put two babies beside one another and put a cup of baby food in between them and I can assure you that one of those babies will reach out to it and finish it. It is even plausible that both of them would fight over it with the loser resulting in crying and reaching out to you, the adult, to help him get the baby food.
What am I trying to say? That babies are evil? Lol far from it! My point is humans always seek the satiation of their needs first. The difference between a good person and a bad person is the fact that a “bad person” is controlled by their desires and a “good person” controls theirs. Introspection with a sprinkle of values while growing up helps mold character. Any other factor is auxiliary.
Now, some people are just not good and that is fine. I mean, variety is the spice of life. Everyone cannot be good since everyone cannot like you as we discussed earlier. However, knowing how to deal with “not-good people” is key in surviving in life. It is why Emotional Intelligence is very important and must be mastered before venturing into the world.
6. EVERYONE IS TOXIC AT A POINT IN THEIR LIFE, EVEN YOU!
Now, this particular one will seem like an attack on everyone…that’s cos it is. As I’ve said before, self-deceit is the highest form of deceit. Let’s be honest and objective, it’s not every time that we’re the “good guys” in the story. We all have different individual stories with varying roles. In some people’s stories, you’re the villain that torments them for character development. In fact, in your dealings with people, you have been self-serving, stubborn, and toxic without realizing it.
Maturity is understanding that being correct in every situation is impossible and idiocy is arguing to the contrary. If you call your exes, they might even have a field day talking about how insensitive, narcissistic and abusive you were but you might remember things differently because no one chooses to be the bad guy in stories, majorly due to the norm that “bad guys lose at the end” yada yada.
Anyways, my point is once in a while, get an eagle-eye perspective on yourself from impartial people. I’m not saying you should hinge your being on the verbal whims of others cos some people might be liars or low-key want to drag you down but self-analysis might be able to suffice.
Alright, I think I’m going to put down my pen (or in this case, switch to the new anime series I just got and binge-watch them till my eyes ache). I appreciate you for making it this far. Making out time to read this makes me all teary inside. I will be sure to complete the second part of this post and have it posted by next month or the month after that since I post once a month and all.
Again, I say thank you guys for reading this. Don’t forget that you can make your observations or dissenting opinions in the comment section. I promise to make out time to reply to them all and if you need any clarification, you can make your request in the comment section as well.
Till my next post, I wish you all a wonderful and prosperous month of March!!!
Stay Jiggy and most importantly, stay safe out there!
