You Failed!!…So What?

I know sometimes it feels like life just takes a HUUGEEEE dump down your throat (pardon my French) …like everything just blows up in your face…like nothing good just seems to happen to you. You might be in debt; you might be failing in school and about to have an extra year or even graduated and seeing all your friends flexing their Ws on social media and you’re just having a big bowl of “L soup” all by yourself. The thing is I’m not so big on motivational speeches but I’m going to go out on a limb now and give you a wake-up call. I’ve always asked myself this question growing up (yeah, I talk to myself a lot…come and bite me) and the question is simple:

WHY ARE WE SO SCARED OF FAILURE?

Like why don’t we accord failure the same respect we give unto success? What is so bad about failing?

I know, I know…I sound crazy but hear me out!

Growing up, we were taught to always strive to be the best. Even in our primary and high schools, the first, second, and third positions were the big shining kids with big shining futures whilst the “not so smart” kids were treated differently. The thing is reality can be disappointing (don’t sue me, Kevin). Then those not-so-smart kids grow up believing they aren’t smart and need to be tough cos apparently, you’re either the brains or the brawn.

I’ll discuss the mental imprints that school culture (in my country at least) causes a child in another blog post.

Anyways, as I was saying earlier, you failed. So what? Does it mean you’re a failure? See, failure is not a process. It is a state of mind. Let me tell you a little story about myself:

Sooooo, I used to be the “wonder kid” in my family all through primary school. Never got below the third position. Took the Common Entrance Examination into JS1 from Primary 4. Yeah, I was that kid. That kid mums would compare their kids to by saying “look at that boy collecting those prizes! Does he have two heads?!” I was on top of my game.

Then, I got to secondary school, and it all went downhill from there.

Was I studious? Maybe. I can’t remember anymore, and I don’t want to lie. Doesn’t matter anyway. I buckled down in my final year in high school and proved once again that “I was that kid”. Even became the Head Prefect and all that.

My story begins when I got into the university. I entered the University at 15. Yeah, you heard right…15! Lord knows I felt on top of the world. I was even determined to come out with honors. My first year went well, I was on a confident 2:1 and nothing could’ve gone wrong…or so I thought. By the second semester of my second year, I had failed three courses and had carryovers.

Omooooooooo!!!!!! There was a fire on the mountain in my home!!! My mum cried to stupor; I was so ashamed that I considered telling my dad to just forget about me and withdraw me from the university. It was truly a dark time for my family and my life.

Do you know that saying that dark times would pass as quickly as they came? Yeah, I don’t know it too. The dark times got a mattress and pillows and decided to stay o. He didn’t even pay rent.

I kept failing and failing and failing and eventually spent 6 years instead of 5 years in the university. Nearly committed suicide like 5 times to the extent that my friends would physically bundle me to their hostel because they knew that I would do something drastic to myself if left alone.

My course mates graduated and left me in the university, and I had to go through my extra year with the “extra year” stigma aka the “omo! So, this guy bin no know book?” gazes people gave me. Note that some secondary factors worked against me in the university like lecturers misplacing my scripts but that’s a story for another time.

I eventually graduated and steeled my resolve for law school. I was determined to not let lightning strike me twice.

Went to law school ablaze with the flames of determination (dramatic, I know but it’s my story so leave me alone). I read and read until I got tired and then read some more.

THEN, THE COVID PANDEMIC STRUCK! DUN! DUN!! DUNNNN!!!!

We were forced back home indefinitely. We tried to read but it’s extra difficult studying for bar finals when you’re surrounded by comfort and don’t know when or if they would even call us back for the exams. We were sitting ducks all through 2020, and suddenly, like the biblical representation of Christ’s coming, we were summoned back in February of 2021. We began classes anew and 4 days later, the bombshell dropped:

BAR FINALS WAS SCHEDULED FOR MARCH OF 2021

Our souls left our bodies. I couldn’t even cry. I just sat down looking lost. In my mind, I was doomed. In my mind, I HAD FAILED. See, I told you at the beginning of this post that failure is a state of mind. The moment your mind embraces failure, there is absolutely nothing you can do. I decided to not make the mistake I made in the university and think of failure, so I put on my thinking cap and hustled for my life. Many times, I would study for 3–4 days on end without sleep. YES, you read right. I would go without sleep for 4 days. Caffeine was my girlfriend, and I was a chemist as I would mix various concoctions like a witch brewing some magic potion: fearless, monster, predator, coffee, shaken not stirred.

Fast-forward to say 3 months after, I passed the bar finals.

WHY?

That’s simple. I let go of my failures in the university. I quite literally wiped my mind board clean and started afresh and by the time I was called to the Nigerian Bar, I finally felt free…well until NYSC stress started quite literally 2 days later where I was “thrown” to Taraba state but I’m not focusing on negative stories right now.

Anyways, what do I want you to gain from my story?

Your life is still being written. The author is God, but the co-author is you. If the co-author gets frustrated and dumps the book draft, it’s all for naught. So, don’t give up cos if you do, then, you have truly failed. Remove what happened from your mind and think of what could be. I’m not about to hit you with that “aspire to perspire” hullabaloo but please and please, I might not know you personally but if you’re reading this and it pertains to you, don’t give up!

Oh yeah and feel free to hit me up if you need to talk or if you have any questions, reservations, or contributions, use the comment section, or hit me up personally.

Till next time, stay jiggy!!