Thank you for writing this. It’s probably the most significant article I’ve read in awhile. Particularly as my own brand of Trans isn’t so easy to deal with…

I’m Bigender. What that means is that I am two genders in one body…often at the same time. Now, which body I feel like I should have changes over time…some days I feel like my body is great and I wouldn’t change a thing! (even the weight doesn’t seem so bad). Some days I feel like I’d do anything, wish upon any star to have the body parts I feel are missing (I liken it to phantom limb syndrome, only without the piercing pain, experiencing dysphoria instead). And yeah, some days the dysphoria is harder to deal with than others…

The worst part is, I’m certain I’d physically transition if I didn’t have this fully functional male identity centre in my brain. But I do, and I know if I did transition, the feelings I feel would be reversed and I’d feel the absence of certain parts and like some parts are alien (water balloons taped to your chest, that sort of thing) about 70% of the time. So yeah, can’t transition…

…a lot of this resonates with me, particularly as a few things about feminism make me feel uncomfortable, or have lead me to some weird rationalizations. I’m damn proud to be a feminist, but I did get in a MASSIVE fight with one of my expert feminist friends over…well…a public figure. I disagreed with her negative opinion and she stated his bigotry was “a matter of public record”. A statement which seemed…oddly presumptuous…

Thing is, I’ve been shadow-boxing with her in my mind for years, and I’m fairly certain she’s been doing the same. At least, if her flinching the first time our eyes met after that argument is any indication…a flinch like that can’t be faked, in my experience, nor is she usually dishonest…she’s oddly honest, to tell you the truth.

Since I figured out my identity (less than a year ago at this point), I’ve learned to rely on my OWN experience to inform my feminism. And I find that some ideas don’t seem to measure up. Most do, I should clarify…but some don’t.

I’m also still living comfortably (…somewhat) inside my closet. Everyone I’ve come out to has been supportive, and I don’t doubt that will continue. I still have some long-time friends I haven’t come out to, but that’ll be a matter of time. I’ve even come to a good place with my mother over my identity. She knows my other name now, and she can support me now (instead of just tolerating me).

At the same time, I really don’t want to come out to this friend (it feels like she hasn’t earned it) — and I strongly suspect that even if I did, she’d find a way to dismiss my opinion. After all, I was “privileged” to grow up as a boy!

I don’t know that she’d actually say that, but I strongly suspect it. I recently explained privilege to a friend as a “blind spot”. I think that’s the best way to explain privilege.

Thanks to your article, I’ve finally reconciled the itch at the back of my skull between “this is why you can’t speak on these issues” and “why not?”. I mean, there’s good points on both sides, and both sides have errors. I think that’s what your favourite word means, correct?

…the thing is, I’ve argued — in my head — with her and come out many times, and the conversation always ends with me dropping a metaphorical mic as she sticks to her guns, and I find myself not giving two fucks what she thinks. I don’t think coming out as part-woman would convince her my perspective’s as valuable as hers, or that I have a right to speak on these issues IF I’m disagreeing with her. She’s very stubborn — about as stubborn as I am, if I’m being honest!!! :p

I think you’ve resolved a lot of cognitive dissonance for me, and I think this is the most significant article I’ve read…well, ever. I too know the pain of knowing no treatment will ever be good enough for me, and I know there isn’t a surgery in the WORLD that can give me the body I want, because I literally want both! (and not at the same time…I want to switch, not mix!). So, if anyone can understand the pain you’re going through, and the decision you’ve made not to transition…it’s me.

So yeah, I understand this hard-break life you’re living, and wish people could see my face and hear my voice, and that I could feel my body…and I know that probably won’t happen until long after I’m dead and gone. I hope you realize you’re not alone. *offers hugs*