I don’t like you
I don’t like you. There I said it. Someone had to break it to you. Well, not exactly…allow me to rephrase that. I don’t like what you’re becoming…. what you’re turning into. Wake up and snap out of it. You used to be a balanced sane person, but now you’re this bag of mixed contradicting emotions and not the good kind and most importantly, you’re not you, not anymore.
You cling on for far too long onto things that you should’ve let go of a long time ago. You wouldn’t take “No” for an answer, and you keep fighting and fighting; a wounded gladiator in a coliseum fighting for a lost cause. On the other hand, you’re frighteningly passive and give up way too easily when it comes to the important things that are worth fighting for.
When you want something, you want it so bad, which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, once you get what you’re looking for, you want it less. You want it so much you become obsessed with the state of wanting rather the thing you want. So once you finally acquire that one thing you craved for so long, you’re not really sure what to do with it, and suddenly it just loses that enchanting aura of glamor. It just fades away the way a once giant wave just blends into the endless sea.
Your self confidence has been rapidly diminishing, yet most of the time you act like a douchey narcissist. You care too much about what people and society think of you, despite the fact that you always deny that you do, and the fact that they don’t even really care about you that much to begin with.
You used to be a dreamer, an enthusiast, an optimist… The sky was your limit. Now you’re too practical and pragmatic. Instead of envisioning your future years ahead, you’re living one day at a time. You expect the worse and then complain that it becomes reality. You lose the battle in your head even before embarking on it in real life and then you wonder why you were defeated. Your perspective of hope is a means to sure future disappointment. Oh, and on those rare occasions when you choose to be optimistic…well boy do you know how to pick those moments. Talk about the unlikeliest of outcomes and suddenly you’re Mister Bright Side.
I don’t like you for doing this to yourself, I hate you for doing this to me and I despise you for doing this to us.
We can come up with many excuses for what you’ve allowed to happen, many circumstances you’ve been subjected to come to mind. However, we won’t go there, this is ultimately your doing (or undoing for that matter) and only you can pick yourself up and clear this mess.
Well, perhaps I have been a bit harsh on you, you are not all those things at once all the time. However, from time to time you do allow yourself to become one of those things.
This is an early wake up call.
Now, finish combing your hair already, take a good look at yourself and just go. Get out there and be the person you used to be. Just know that no one will care even remotely as much as me, the person on the other side of the mirror.