BUHeroes Inspiration: Gone, but never forgotten.
We spend all of our time building stronger relationships with those who we care for and love, and we do so with the understanding that one day we will lose the ones we love, the issue is even when we know its going to happen, we can never prepare for when it does. We think we can, but the truth is we cannot predict our emotions when it comes to a serious topic such as death.
It is truly unpredictable to when we will have our final breath, or when someone we love will have theirs. The average life expectancy changes worldwide as per statistics, however, in our minds we expect infinite years. We do not ever want to discuss death due to the reality of how much fear we have of the topic, however, the fear of death is what should drive us to be closer and more understanding of one another. I always ask myself if this argument is worth losing someone over, and the reason I ask that is I never know when it could be the day I lose someone. Our biggest fear is our last encounter with someone we love, what if we knew it was the last encounter we would have, would we ensure not to argue? It is very likely we would, and this is why I try to remind myself this argument is not worth the regret. Pick your battles with the ones you love. You do not want the regret of having your last encounter being where you thought you being right was worth more than you agreeing and spending quality time with the person you love.
I was only 10 years old when I lost my first friend, and he was only 13 years old. He passed away due to flesh eating disease, and it happened so fast. I found out he was in the hospital, and within weeks he lost two limbs, and shortly after that he passed away. I did not know how to cope with the fact I would never see him again. Death is a lesson no one wants to learn. I felt after losing this friend I would never have to deal with it again, however, 3 years later I would lose another individual who was a great figure in my younger years from 4–9 years old. I heard about it thanks the the newspaper, he passed away on May 23rd, 1999. I chose to honor this fallen friend by fulfilling a promise I made him, and that was to pursue my education first before pursuing professional wrestling, which I did when I was 19 years old, 2 years after graduating high school. I honor this friend by enjoying every minute of my life, he was young but he was very wise. No one ever complained about him, actually, he was the one everyone went to complain to. He was someone you could trust.
Three years later I would read about another loss of someone who was just as much an impact on my younger years, he passed on my fathers birthday. May 18th, 2002. That is three losses in a span of 6 years, I was missing them all terribly, however, I knew I had to honor them with pursuing my passion just as I did when they were alive. I honor this friend by maintaining a love for supporting friends and family, he was such a family man and I witnessed how great of a father he was and I honor him by using some of his father tactics with being a father to my kids.
In 2004 I lost another friend of mine, he ended his life due to bullying. When he ended his life it sent me on a mission to fight anyone who made others feel belittled or weak. His loss lit my fire to put an end to bullying. I was in such a rage, I knew who I was going to confront first, and I did. I was in so much trouble all the time for fights that I started, and at that moment I could not care any less. I was fed up. I just lost a best friend due to how others made him feel he no longer belonged. This was the moment where The BUHeroes Community began to be an unknown plan. In 2011 I would begin creating the BUHeroes Community as a means to honor my lost friend.
In 2008 I lost two friends, one was murdered downtown and another had an accidental overdose. I remember vividly when I received the call about them both, one was 1 year older than me, and the other was younger than me. I was heartbroken to hear about them both passing. I was close with them both however, one of them I was close with since junior high, the other I was close with in high school. They were both so young and had such outgoing and friendly personalities. When they both entered a room their charisma would lighten up the energy. You could not be down around them, this is where I was able to garner my same energy, I watched how their energy benefited others, and I vowed to honor them by making sure I had the same impact on others.
In 2014 Claudia and I were woken up by a very close mutual friend, she proceeded to tell us her cousin (one of my closest friends since grade 3) passed away suddenly the night before. I remember I was so heartbroken when I was told what happened when Claudia hung up the phone. I can see in her eyes something was wrong, and I asked her to tell me and she couldn’t without breaking down. He was my age, and he left behind two beautiful boys and a widow. He and I were so close growing up, we saw each other at our worst and we remained there for one another. Knowing he passed away from a heart attack and he was my age frightened me. I remember telling my children why daddy was so sad, and they saw me crying as I told them.I remember they hugged me and told me it was OK, and he will always be here with me. I knew they were right, however, it is always when we remain saddened as we want them literally right here with us. I wanted to see him just one more time, and that is the hardest part of death, is knowing for sure you will never see the again. However, it is also where we are wrong, they will visit us often. We just need to focus. I honored this friend with hosting an event for the BUHeroes Community where I held gave a tribute to him while holding back tears as I watched his widow cry in the audience. At the end of the event I gave her an envelope which had $240.00 in cash, it was all the money we raised through donations for their family. I gave it to his widow and boys and told them I am always here for them. I honor this friend by being there for his family as a protector and someone who will always help them whenever called.
They are gone, but I promise you they are never forgotten. We will see the here and there, and it usually happens in dreams where my friends will visit me. Just a week before I wrote this I had a dream and they were all in it, I woke up with a smile on my face as I know they just visited me. They are forever with us via memories, and this is why it is absolutely crucial to create memories with those you love. These memories are what you will keep forever as a means to remember them. They are truly valuable and crucial to grieving. That is crucial, grievance. There is NO timeline for grieving, stop when you are ready. You will have many tell you enough is enough, however, it is not up to them, thus, ignore them. This is a loss in YOUR life, and it is absolutely crucial you grieve for as long as you need to.
I found the best way for me to grieve was to just cry and cry for as long as I needed to. I did not care who was around, I am human, and it is human to feel emotion and to show it. Cry and be real with yourself, never try to hide your emotions or conceal them deep in your mind, that will always backfire in the long run. You have every right to cry and hurt, and I encourage you let it all go naturally. This is part of grievance that many try to ignore, however, I find it to be the most crucial. Grieve, cry, and remember.
What do you do when you’re done grieving? At the end of all the paragraphs for the friends I lost I shared how I honor them. This how you adapt to the loss of the ones you love, you honor them in the way they influenced your life. You ensure to live their legacy through you, if they were positive and ambitious, you honor the with being positive and ambitious. If they were honest and genuine, then you honor them by being honest and genuine. You honor the fallen by carrying out their legacy, and you do it wholeheartedly. They influenced you somehow, and you are honor them living out that influence.
You also honor them with committing to your life, they are watching you and they still experience feelings of being proud and disappointed. You know their expressions and what they would have said. You also remember how they supported you, thus, you maintain that focus on making them proud. You honor them by pursuing your dreams, passions, and goals. You make them proud as you did before they passed. They are still here watching, I promise you. Make them proud.
Death is never easy, and when we experience it it truly adjusts our mindset. With this we need to adjust back into a mindset that allows us to keep moving forward, but there is a process. Grieve, remember, honor them. You have to allow yourself time to grieve, and I mean grieve effectively. Hiding your emotions and genuine feelings is never a means to move forward, it is a means to keep you stagnant and sad, and soon enough will likely lead into depression. Lean on people, accept shoulders, accept tissues, and accept someone else’s time. Allow others in.
This is an experience where help from others is crucial, and should be accepted. They may also be grieving with you, so grieve together. Honor them by grieving and not trying to ignore what has happened. They will rest in peace knowing you are going through to process to live in peace.
Dave Matthew Boddy
“The BUHeroes strive to add value to youths around the world through unity, inspiration, and empowerment.”