The Hypocrisy Of Writers

This is more about screenwriters. Here’s the gist. I come from a screenwriting background. Most of my writer-friends are screenwriters. The Golden Fleece of screenwriting is to get an “option.” The next best thing would be to get your script into production. Screenwriters will whore, pimp, peddle and suck dick to get an option.

Many of these writers feel screenwriting is the pinnacle of all writing. I swear it. They feel screenwriting is more prestigious than hitching a ride on The Mayflower.

If a screenwriter gets an option, he will tout it, flaunt it, scream it. Nowadays, most options are “dollar-options.” This means that a screenwriter gets $1 for an 18- to 24-month option-period. During this lengthy period of time, the Producer (most producers are full of shit and haven’t so much as one film under their belts) will ask for revision after revision, and they don’t care how much time you spend. After all, they own your screenplay for the duration of the option period.

And, remember, the writer will give up ownership of her script and suffer verbal and textual abuse for the next 18–24 months for a grand total of $1.

To buttress their success, many screenwriters will read for screenplay contests for a paltry $10 a script. To put this in perspective, a script-reader will spend two-plus hours reading a script, then give coverage notes on that script, which may take another 1–2 hours. The math looks like this: $2.50-an-hour to read one screenplay.

Recently, I asked my screenwriter-friends to write for my blog. I offered them $25 a page. They scoffed at me for asking them to do something so menial as writing for a blog. Excuse me, but aren’t these the same whores who’d bend over for $2.50-an-hour?

Worse, some of them have disowned me because they feel I have lowered myself to groveling in blog-dom. What fucking hypocrites.

Please, someone help right the world and make it round again. Oh, if there are those who aren’t beneath taking $25-a-page to write for me, drop me a line.

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