Quick survival guide for the office party

An office party in December is a great opportunity to make a lasting bad impression. Especially if you are in a management position. Here is how to do it.

Eating

No matter how much food is available at an office party, there is always this nagging feeling it will not last long. This makes people queue impatiently, especially at the beginning. Some colleagues take a bite before showing up to the party so they don’t seem too hungry. But not you. By all means, you don’t need to socialise with the common people on the queue, to ask them how they are and exchange pleasantries, when you can just cut the line and go directly to the front. After all, you are the boss.

Drinking

You may decide not to drink at all, justify with an elaborate speech your choice and make everyone around you miserable that they are not as strong as you. Losing face with the other extreme — the one of excessive drinking — will have a much bigger effect. Alcohol will make your thoughts deeper, and your voice will be heard better by everyone around.

Dancing

Don’t just enjoy the rhythm by having a pleasant spin on the dancefloor like everyone else. Show them everything you’ve got. You are definitely the star and all those people are taking pictures and videos of you because they really like your moves, not because they will post them later in social media and ridicule you.

Romancing

Harvey Weinstein ring a bell, anyone?

Gossiping

You will never have a better opportunity to badmouth a colleague than during an office party. Contrary to the popular belief that no one will remember anything tomorrow, gossip and badmouthing are here to stay and you will be quoted over and over again.

The C-Suite Minimalists. @2017.