The Travel Cheat Sheet: Eastern European Destinations (Bratislava, Slovakia).
Where the travel funnel begins.
Starting off on honesty, we know Eastern Europe has won itself a reputation as a rough after-dark saloon, where knives are used for picking teeth and women are only there for the contents of your wallet — quite the opposite, folks!
Although the victim of a rough past, Eastern Europe has more to offer than a 10-star review can get you to think; from people to the architecture, Bratislava, Slovakia is bound to turn the skeptical frown upside down. Because being able to stir up a mixture of affordability and excitement for every segment isn’t an easy task, and it surely isn’t easy to find, let alone create a cheat sheet for every Joe and Jane!
….Or is it?
Well, that’s where we come in.
In this new article segment, we aim to give you our personally acquired hood scoop review of what we think is one of the most underrated cities in Eastern Europe and of course, how to enjoy it to the fullest.
So get those expensive reading glasses you don’t really need ’cause this is the Travel Cheat Sheet.
We’re there… Now what?
Well, if our introduction was appealing enough for you to book a flight here and you’ve found yourself standing in the middle of Hlavnie Namestie (Main Square), you’ve already made it halfway through…LITERALLY.
Bratislava is known for its walkable distances, with most of the following locations a frisbee-throw away, which means public transportation, although there and of high quality, is totally unnecessary…
And very affordable.
So, First stop?
#1: Cumil
First on our list, and for good reason, the sewer voyeur, the peeping-tom of Bratislava: The Cumil.
Now, although there are plenty of sculptures covering Bratislava, Cumil really takes the cake or any other national dessert. Created and placed there in 1997 by Artist Viktor Hulik, there isn’t much more listed on what it represents or the idea behind it…. So here comes our bit!
From the way we see it, here at TC 101, the statue represents a sewage worker with a fetish for legs and what they entail north of their border. Now, whether that is male or female legs is a contested matter that even collegiate professors and countless tourists could not put to bed.
Another theory preserves the argument that the sewage worker represents the underground party scene that existed back in the 90s, by showing a resting party-goer taking a breather above ground, although sewage workers were never proven to have had House-music tendencies back in those days.
But, hey, it’s all speculation until Cumil decides to answer our mail.
#2: Hviezdoslavovo námestie (The “other” square)
This beauty pageant runner-up for most all-rounded square has the right proximity to everything you want on a Friday night and everything you need on a Monday morning; From national art galleries to amazing nightlife and Saturday afternoon strolls in the park, Hviezdoslavovo námestie bridges all that together without having to cross over — pun intended- to the other side of the Danube.
This amazing mutant, of square and park bread together, offers live concerts in the summer and amazing Christmas bazaars in the winter, only a 5-minute walk away Cumil, it’s hard to lose your bearings.
#3: Most SNP (The mutant UFO-bridge)
For those who always complain about Aliens attacking only the U.S. mainland in the movies, we’ve brought you a UFO that’s chosen a totally different continent and country to prey on, and a totally different approach to do so.
Although it looks like a UFO highway-crash on top of a bridge with the people just waving it off as an average Tuesday, the Most SNP or the New bridge as it’s known to the locals, is more than an E.T crash site. This bridge connects the old town with the new section of the city while offering a fine dining experience — for those who don’t mind a pricey abduction — overlooking the city’s silhouette from 300 ft up in the sky — no gravitational science needed, folks!
#4: Dobre Dobre (Twice the goodness).
When a name is repeated twice, you know it’s gonna be good — especially when it actually means “good.”
Dobre Dobre, which literally translates to “Good Good,” is a cafe that offers more than a shot of espresso to wake you up, but a humanitarian project behind every cup. Situated near the old market, this near-to-be — hopefully– Nobel prize-nominee for cafe of the day offers a safe zone for the homeless individuals of Bratislava who are looking to start a new life and can use the caffeine and free WiFi these folks have to offer.
Bear in mind, however, that this place has anything but a homeless shelter vibe to it. On the contrary, it offers a great atmosphere for whoever wants to have a quiet conversation and a good cup of coffee while additionally helping a great cause!
Our own little hacks!
Roll in the lingo.
Needless to say, Slovaks, and especially those in the capital, know how to speak English.
However, and trust us, walking up to a Slovak and dazzling them with a few local phrases or even just words will add a mile to your journey over there.
As Slovakia isn’t such a hot country on the travel list, and with only a few million speaking the language worldwide, walking into a local bar and hitting them up with a “Dobre Rano” might subtract some zeros from the final bill or add some — totally depends on the pronunciation.
Generosity reciprocates.
We’re not talking about donating kidneys or paying off college debt for a struggling waitress, although that would be awesome; however, a smile and an extra dollar with the bill is the best currency for the job.
Slovakia is a former Iron Curtain state, where people weren’t always used to 10-to-2 smiles and random acts of kindness, hence, going the extra mile just to be nice, like anywhere else in the world, will definitely leave a lasting impression and give your little trip some positive energy, while also building some good relationships for the following days.
Give walking a day off.
We know the theme of this party is the walkable distances. However, why not enjoy the side streets and outskirts of the city from the comfort of an air-conditioned tram?
And, since we’ve mentioned affordability being a part of this gig, the Bratislava Card is here to tell you that you can do all that for 25 euros — yes, you’ve heard it right! We’re talking trams, buses, and trolleybuses at your disposal. You can either get online or at the local train station, the point is, you need to get it, folks: It’s a heck of a catch.
Final Thoughts.
In a world with cities like Barcelona and Paris, where a bottle of water costs more than a divorce lawyers and drunk British youth are more than the locals, Bratislava surely serves as a breath of fresh air.
With prices on the low compared to other Western European destinations, and the local architecture and population not corrupted yet by excessive tourism, this Eastern European gem really gives an old cinematic and poetic meaning to those who want to embark on a journey beyond those posted on social media.
