Our dreams are a map.
So, I feel like I need to write again, and this time, it is more personal to me (as opposed to a whimsical notion relayed to me through meditating). -J
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Has it been a crazy few months for you, too?
Since June, I have kept a daily logbook describing my experiences during my meditations, visualizations, dreams, and astral projection attempts. On a monthly basis, I go back and read this “Logbook,” as I call it. And every time I go back and reread, I not only remember details that I did not write about, but I also see new information and patterns. (Caveat — Of course, I see it differently; I am different, and my neural pathways and connections are gaining and growing stronger).
Yes, I did say “Astral Attempt,” and that is something I can get into at a later time (suffice it to say that this, too, has been a wild and interesting journey).
That said, since December, these dreams have become more intense. Not only more intense but more vivid, detailed, and story-like. The dreams are becoming more, and I am being awoken to record them. I say “awoken” because not only does it feel like I am being awoken deliberately, but when rereading the material, the pattern portrays a similar notion. I have multiple examples of me in the dream feeling like something is not quite accurate, and right before I realize it is a dream, I snap to being awake in bed.
In December and January, it was evident that my dreams were showing or teaching me something, and each dream was a slightly different lesson. I also felt like I had a repeating individual (like a partner) and a repeating being (like a guide) in each one. I won’t get into the dreams here, mainly because this is quite a public forum, but I will discuss the patterns I am seeing and the context of the feel. It feels like a crescendo, or maybe a casual lead-up to a finite point.
Sometime in early January, I went from realizing I was not “in the right reality” (something felt off) to realizing I was in a dream, and I started to try to manipulate the dream. At this stage, I would not be pulled out of the dream once I realized I was dreaming; rather, I would be pulled immediately after I started to try to manipulate the dream (I have never cared for rules or containment). After this, I had several dreams that pertained to winning or achieving something. Like a graduation type of achievement. After this series of dreams, it was evident that whatever was being relayed to me during the December/January timeframe was complete. From here, the dreams and timing have only become weirder and more vivid (although not necessarily more detailed).
Since mid-January, my partner in the dreams and my guide are either no longer with me or are intentionally staying discreet. The dreams have also become very specific to me, although many of them have nothing to do with my current reality. When I awake into these dreams (as opposed to awakening FROM a dream), it is often hard to immediately tell whether or not I’m in real life. Usually, I can only tell by feeling the accuracy of my word processing and bodily features (i.e., correct brain/wrong body, wrong body/correct brain, or correct brain and body). This indicates that I have my faculties in some form. I recognize I am either in a dream or a version of my reality (there is certainly a difference), and I can try to exist within these parallel worlds.
Existing in these dreams is extremely difficult, unlike earlier in January when I was all-out trying to manipulate the dream. Often, I will recognize what type of reality I am in (as indicated in the above paragraph), and then get extremely groggy to where I fall asleep in that reality, wake up back here, fall asleep here, and wake up back there. The entire time I am toggling back and forth, the alternate version of reality I wake up in, is becoming more difficult to manage.
Reading through my logs, these altered states seem to be merging and/or collapsing.
One more sign of this occurs in the altered state (again, the altered state is either a dream, skewed astral projection attempt, or visualization). During my insane sleep cycle (caveat — I should have mentioned this, but I have been falling asleep ultra-early (7pm), waking up at 12am, waking up at 2am, and waking up at 4am), I am noticing that previous dreams or altered states are merging with other altered states. It is somewhat like inception, where parts of one dream end up in a totally different contextual dream.
- An example of this was in a dream where I had a hole in an apartment ceiling and a rug (it’s cool, though; the guys upstairs owned a store, and they would pass me drinks through the hole). Upon waking and returning to sleep, the dream or alternate version of reality was completely different, except for the hole (now above a kitchen sink) and the rug I was standing on. Caveat — Dudes were no longer there handing me drinks from their store, I checked.
My visualizations are also changing (in both procedure and experience). I do my visualizations before I go to bed every night and right after I wake up. Before January, this seemed pretty monotonous and was certainly completed solely on my own. However, lately, it feels as if the visualizations have started to write their own script, and I am less of a creator and more of a participant. Also, they have been leaking into my altered states.
Caveat — Now that I think and write about it, perhaps all versions of reality are merging because I am working (via remembering and writing) the altered states’ experiences into my real-actual reality (which I totally live and am present in, I promise).
I write this hoping a family member does not find it and try to admit me to an institution (quasi-joking) but to help ease any nervousness for others if they are feeling and experiencing similarly. I do believe some of you are; in fact, I am betting if you found this obscure little blog, you are in line with what I am experiencing. Maybe we have graduated together! Maybe those dudes passed you drinks as well!
So, my suggestion is for you to be a scientist about it. Go in with an intention to see and operate clearly and to fully remember the altered versions of reality.
Since I was a kid, I have been fascinated with dreams. Now that I am a “full-grown” adult and a “full-on” Psychologist (not a therapist, but perhaps that is what is needed — joking), I am working to follow the breadcrumbs that are clearly leading me to something.
It is easy to chalk up coincidences as coincidences or synchronicities as synchronicities. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I like to know. Perhaps if I can jot it down and have some notes on the many changes since my awakening, I hope it can help others when it is their time.
Or perhaps it is helpful for you right now.
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Whether it is an altered state or physical reality, the one rule is the same, be kind to everyone and everything. -J
