San Fransisco 49ers to announce graduate programs in humanities and natural science, said to be courting Princeton’s Witten

The San Fransisco 49ers, long known for a football team that celebrated a series of Super Bowl championships in the 1980s, is now trying to build an academic legacy.

They are reportedly in talks to hire Ed Witten to chair their physics department. The addition of Witten would solidify their already growing physics department. A spokesperson said their goal was to be a “top 10” department by the end of the decade. “The addition of Witten should boost our recruiting to the point where we can attract enough heavily cited scholars to increase our ratings. We can crush Stanford and Berkeley on the gridiron, and we will soon be crushing them in citations as well.”