On Self-Rape

I have to say this:

Saw a picture from the Church of Latter Day Saints portraying a black man and woman in red shirts that say, “Ex-Masturbator”. Whatever side you stand on around Sexual Health on that subject is your business. I actually think the strategy of making private issues public is smart to create discussion. BUT… here is what is not cool. At the bottom, the shirt said, “Masturbation is self rape.”

You want to start a conversation that way?

Then let’s begin:

(Trigger Warning)

You ever had someone close to you raped? Rape means you did not give consent. Rape means someone used your body at their disposal. Rape means someone had control over you. You ever had someone tell you about not feeling they can be themselves anymore? You ever watched a person check doors every other second to make sure they feel they didn’t make a mistake to allow someone to hurt them again? You ever watched as a person can’t be touched out of fear that someone wants to harm them? You ever saw someone get angry when a television show comes on because they were raped on a certain day of the week whenever the theme music of MASH was on? Ever had to stay up with someone during the night because they trust you to keep them safe from someone they expect to get them at night when they are hundreds of miles away? Ever had someone still feel guilty about their sexuality because the person raping them continually Called them a word that starts with the letter F as if they were begging for it… at age 8–13? Ever had a school or university cover up the tracks of a star player while others consider you a whore that just wanted to take that person down? (One reason I don’t feel schools should be let off the hook for rape culture) Ever thought it was God’s will that the minister continues to rape you because he is considered the authority?

So excuse me when I get pissed off that what a person DECIDES to do on their own time with their own CONSENT to give THEMSELVES PLEASURE, is not the same thing as a person who still lives with invisible scars of wondering if they should hurt themselves from the hurt of another! Your lotion, your dildo, and your time to relieve yourself is not the same as someone wondering, “why me?” Take that as you will.

You want to start a conversation about masturbation, call it that. Don’t high jack a word to spark fear over a body that has nothing to do with the same type of violence. Too many raped and those who have felt the impact of that rape around them will not see that as the same thing. But also talk about the ramifications of not talking about sexuality and when you do it’s only in fear rhetoric. You worry about homosexuality, unwed parents, “bastard children”, and STDs, but never give room for a dialogue over a monologue.

Talk amongst yourselves.