Kindra, thanks for taking time to type out your response. It is something which needs to be said and seen. I hope people read the responses and see it. If there is some way to assure that, let me know so I can direct them to it.

I don’t disagree with you. I wrote this article mainly as a reflective look back at my past. These are not MY current feelings, which I think you perceived, but rather a look at the state in which I existed before I became aware of not only my privilege but also of what amounted to a sociopathic attitude toward black people.

The words that you bring to this weren’t mine to speak — - or perhaps they are and I feel reluctant to articulate the black experience of whiteness. I am still evolving and learning, not only of my own lingering programming, but also of what is and is not known and understood by black people about white people.

This article was inspired by a conversation with a non-white friend who asked me about my experience growing up in Alabama. While you have direct, intimate knowledge of aspects of this through your past relationship and his family, some people do not. The shock and confusion of my friend made me feel that this was something about which I should speak.

Growing up, my town was as segregated as it could be. Obviously our schools and hospitals were not, but the communities, churches, friendships, relationships, and all other areas of life were. So, my experience of “black” was not one of actual connection until I moved away and explored the world and created bonds.

It was at this point in my life that I realized I had been cut off from feeling real feelings because my environment did not afford me opportunities to hear the other side of the story. My context was historical only and unfortunately, the history taught to me did not share high points. It did not provide me with images which contradicted the messaging I received from my environment.

I agree with you that it shouldn’t take extreme images and videos to trigger emotions which should be human defaults. I also know that our emotions can be dulled and blunted. If the article sounded excusatory, that was not my goal. My hope was that other white people who read it might question why they weren’t feeling the same thing they would have had the violence been directed toward another white person. Perhaps that answer is that they just don’t think it impacts them or matters or they think black people are just more aggressive and therefore they genuinely don’t have emotions to give. Those people would be offended by my words as well.

But for others, there is a need to work on reprogramming. Exactly as you stated.