There’s no need to explain where you were coming from or why. I agree with you 100% that the visuals are more harmful than helpful. I has taken me a while to reach that point, however. There was the whole background of my upbringing, and then in my earlier years where my activism was much more focused on LGBT rights, I felt that seeing the results of gay bashings and other violent acts against gay people needed to be seen. I viewed it similarly to how seeing the reporting and images from Vietnam turned the public opinion against the war and put pressure on the government to respond.
I carried that thinking with me as I began to learn and make attempts to better understand where and I how I could fit into playing a role in working with black leaders and activists. As you know, there are mixed opinions within the black community about how often these images should be shown or whether they should be shown at all. My opinion of that has shifted quite a bit over the years and this conversation with you is giving me that familiar this doesn’t quite seem to be the right size for me any longer, can I please have something else to wear sort of feeling.
The truth is, I debated whether or not to even include the video I did on this article. I also debated adding in the image I referenced of Emmett Till. I ultimately decided not to do that, even though I still do think every white person needs to take a long hard look at that image. I feel that way because his mother made that choice long ago and maybe because in my own personal journey, it was the image which made me feel so deeply disturbed that I questioned everything. When the events were unfolding in Minnesota, I shared the video on my social media accounts, even though Facebook had not yet placed the warning screen and the thumbnail of the video was very graphic. I posted it with a message which basically read “Sorry if this triggers you, but I want eyes on this video and this woman.” When I wrote this article about that same event, I added and deleted the video of Diamond Reynold’s Facebook Live broadcast so many times, I confused myself. Ultimately, I hoped that my words and my ability to describe what I saw when I watched the video would be enough. I felt I had to reference it, mention it, describe it, however, because I needed to contrast her experience to mine.
This conversation with you has been working on me, however. Obviously, I see the world through a filter of my thoughts and feelings and intellect and emotional makeup. My writing is pushed out through that same filter. I can see how seeing these images are still doing the very thing I spoke about in this article, numbing people. I also know that for some, they encourage and stoke the flames of their hatred. I know that I watched in shocked disbelief as CNN aired security footage from the Istanbul airport, showing suicide bombers blowing themselves up. I posted online asking if this had ever happened before, as my memory couldn’t recall them going to that point. I remembered there being a “we stopped the video there because the remainder is too graphic to show on air” statement. I spent time that day telling myself not to accept that imagery as being something I should accept and place into the category of it could happen on any given day.
I still struggle with how to explain how this white kid and his experience of being on a mind altering substance, physically battling police, grabbing a gun, firing it in a public building, and ending up with a bruise on his forehead is not the way it goes down for black kids riding their bikes mere miles from my own town of “super Liberal” Seattle. I struggle with my feelings that without security camera footage, body cameras and citizens armed with their cell phone cameras, black people are more at risk. I know that in my attempt to talk about these things, right or wrong, I’ve been told to show proof. I wish simply saying it was enough, but my experience is that it is not. There is a belief that these things can be dealt with via compliance. I read that exact statement this morning, from a family member. That if only people would comply, there would be no more shootings. I don’t know how to work against that without being able to show video proof to them that even saying “Yes Sir” repeatedly was not enough to make the guns be lowered for Diamond Reynolds.
It has given me something to consider. I share your frustration and understand your opinion. Ultimately, when it comes to including the images and video and descriptions, I think I have to straddle the line of opting out where I feel I can and risking the consequences when I feel I can’t. I find myself thinking of Matthew Shepard. I have never seen a photo of his death, but his story still stands today within the LGBT community as a marker of our history. I did not need images out of Sandy Hook elementary of those children in order to trigger an emotional response from anyone. CNN did not need to do a walk through of Pulse Nightclub showing those bodies before people said “That’s just not right!”
Again, I am thankful to you for responding to me. This is something which needs to be discussed and all too often, people won’t discuss. They become triggered and they shut down and wall off and write the person off. Obviously, I also ran through all of the typical emotions of I did it wrong, I’ve messed up, why can’t she understand my intentions, does she think I’m a fake, will I be able to reach her and explain myself better— but ultimately, when all of that went away, my desire was to embrace the person who showed up for me and make an attempt at connection. You didn’t have to take time to write what you did. But you did. That’s all that matters to me.
