Gerard Lane

I only know of but one true freedom.

Freedom within the mind.

If you see yourself in chains, you are.

If you see yourself free, you are.

Freedom is your perspective.

But the perspective can not be changed if the roots are still sunk deep into the ground.

Isn’t that funny how when a brain wave fires, it’s looks like the roots of trees, and like that thoughts and perceptions can becoming rooted.

If you want to release them you have to become the horticulturist of your own mind.

That requires you to work. Every single damn day.

So you going to get to work?

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For over a year I couldn’t cry, I cried out all my tears after that emotional trauma.

Now almost 2 years on. Sometimes I just stand there in my skin, thinking.

And I want to burst into tears.

The eyes get wet and lubricated, puffy, but you breathe, and it bottles all back up sucking it’s dark smoke back inside of you.

You can’t control or stop it.

It refuses to release. It will not let you go.

What is wrong with me.

Why can’t I be one of those people who switch it all off and live.

I want to live out there and not up here, in my head.

When can I live.

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Some days, even when the sun is shining outside. Even when the day is screaming at you to go outside and greet it.

But you can’t face to walk out the door,

You just pray that night time comes so you can just go to bed and get some sleep.

But then the darkness comes, you lie in bed and you can’t sleep. You mindlessly scroll and scroll and scroll. Your brain will not switch off. And worse still it beats you up for wasting the day.

Than somehow you fall asleep. You wake up tired and disheveled the next day and fed up.

The cycle repeats.

When will the cycle end.

Cyclic repeats. Like heart beats.

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Memories on your phone is great.

Sometimes.

The other times it’s not great.

You have memories of how much you laughed.

You remember how much fun it was with you.

You don’t have fun like that anymore.

You don’t laugh like that anymore.

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I don’t really like talking to people much anymore.

I realized I would always say what I thought they wanted to hear.

I couldn’t stop myself.

I can’t stop myself.

People. Pleaser.

I want to be true to myself.

Sometimes you can’t change who you are or the way you are.

So you just have to remove yourself from the situation.

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I hate when people call others sheep in regards to black and white topics of discussion. Like 50/50 siding. Like okay you are calling me a sheep but your also following someone else’s prerogative based on facts you are being told.

So your both sheep really?

A shepherd follows his own path, he doesn’t follow the sheep.

You are all sheep, because your in the herd following the rest, no matter what direction you move in.

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Sometimes I retreat into my own world.

It’s peaceful here.

It’s lonely.

But sometimes I get stuck here.

Can’t find the way out.

I want to leave, but every time I do.

I want to go back again.

It’s all too much.

How are you all so chaotic and noisy?

I’d rather be lonely and at peace.

Than lonely still, surrounded by people and all of the chaos.

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Gerard Lane

Gerard Lane

Just an Irish Man, traveling around the world writing down thoughts of meaning that float into his head. Doing this for posterity. If you read and vibe with 👏