Did you know that love is more pure, more authentic, more ecstatic, when you are in a permanent state of non-attachment? If you knew that only non-attachment would allow you to give and receive love in its purest form, the kind of love that is spiritual, free of drama and emotional pain, would you study the art of non-attachment?
People falsely believe that non-attachment makes a woman cold, heartless, uncaring. But, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, non-attachment makes one’s heart open (the concept Maya Angelou spoke so many times in her talks). In a state of non-attachment, there are no needs. Need is the killer of all relationships, and even though everyone claims not to be needy, those needs are most often sub-conscious, buried behind layers of past relationship drama.
Non-attachment frees us from those needs. If you don’t need a man for the needs he can satisfy (attention, safety, security, a future, companionship, sex, babies, commitment, forever, etc.) then one’s relationships become pure and simple. When needs and agendas disappear, the energy of attachment retreats, and that makes you much more approachable, easy to be with, welcoming, simple, a true delight.
Free from needs, or neediness, a woman becomes a free spirit, unshackled, and pure. Now she has no agenda that needs to be satisfied. She is now free to give love in its purest form. What is pure love? It is the kind that isn’t traded. It is the kind that has no demands at all- and that is liberating for her, and a comfortable place to be for any man.
Now, with a permanently open heart, she can express herself verbally, emotionally, truthfully, without any worry that she might get hurt. In this state, it is, in fact impossible to hurt. The heart is always open, loving, giving, and there is no hunger that needs to be satisfied. What a beautiful experience.
She is also free from the need to make a relationship happen, or to receive a relationship status. She is free to enjoy him, for who he is as a human being, and in this state, she will find many beautiful qualities in him that she couldn’t see when she was blinded by need. This is why she is now free of worries about what will happen next. She isn’t worried that the relationship may fail. But best of all, she maintains her centeredness, that allows her to objectively assess this person, and determine if he is pleasing to her. If he is, she delights in his company. If he does not, she doesn’t try to change, manipulate, teach, or modify his behavior. In a state of non-attachment, she can easily let go, without pain to either person.
Non-attachment is the most powerful lesson I have learned in my life. I highly recommend you study this concept. There are many books out there, and you may need a few, to fully master the art. I highly recommend anything written by Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, and another book called: The Way of Non-Attachment: The Practice of Insight Meditation
Since I mastered this concept, my relationships are easy, drama-free, simple. No, I did not keep every person I met in my life. I was able to let go of the ones who don’t suit me easily, and enjoy the ones who do, more intensely. I have dropped my fears that kept me anxious about how it all might turn out, and can enjoy people for whatever they bring into my life without demanding anything in return.
The very first relationship I entered from a place of non-attachment, the person could not believe my centeredness, my fearless affection, my inner peace, my ease, my confidence, my openness, and my ability to let go, and walk away peacefully, lovingly, and without drama. We are good friends now, and my non-attachment has allowed me to wish him the very best in an authentic way. I truly wish him much love, and that the next woman he meets loves him even more.
Since then, when in doubt, I always go back to my teachings of non-attachment, to realign myself and start something new.
I guarantee that non-attachment will not make you cold, or uncaring. It will turn you into a total love Goddess. You will feel complete, centered, open, fearless. You will be able to give without needing anything in return. You will enter relationships without an agenda, and receive more than you ever dreamed of. But to do that you must learn to love purely, and to love purely, you must learn to free yourself from all that binds you.