Trippin’ on cobbles, spit mumblin’ shanties and spittin’ and spittin’ and spittin’ by the sea!

Bones of a sailor part III
Siren Craft Brew
Wokingham, England
9.5% ABV
Imperial stout
330ml

Alcoholic mocha mania! Starburst! Coffee! Explosion! Emotional swish! What is this! What! Is! This!

Yes!

Dear (insert deity) this is a rush! It pours a dark stewing all night coffee with a dark mean brown bubbly head. (I wouldn’t mess with it.) The colour brown that old ceilings in pubs were pre smoking ban. (insert memory). A height of bubbles quickly come skittering down and settle to a thin bubbleraft, and then to a ring of bubbles around glass. Life buoy job!
On the nose is pure coffee. The mouthfeel is soda pop bubbly and I instantly get sweet fruit as I swish around the gob. It goes down. I get coffee quickly followed by berries. Yes I get raspberry.
I get raspberry!
The label tells us that this imperial stout is aged in PX barrels with raspberries, Cacao & vanilla. I haven’t got the vanilla yet. Oh maybe in the mouthfeel? There’s a cheeky vanilla cream soda sitting under that raspberry pop. And what’s so clever about this is the fruit bursts out at you even though they live in the dankest of black coal coffee, the dankest of death pool alcohol. This is intelligent design!

“Part III of our Bones of a Sailor series; A rich luscious porter with dark vinous fruit, aged in Pedro Ximenez barrels with added raspberries, cacao nibs and vanilla”.

This is written on back of bottle. Doesn’t it sound so exciting. And exclusive! I mean we’ve probably missed part I and II like! Well gone! Curated and dismantled long ago! Sold out! Red stickers everywhere!

Siren Craft Brew was named Best New Brewery in England and 2nd Best Brewery in the World by Ratebeer.com in 2014. These guys are serious! These guys are alchemists! Here are a few sample names of some of their other past and present brews:

Boneyard dippy and the equinox
Elusive dinner for 3
Evil twin even more Jesus VIII

I could go on! They seem to have made about 50 beers or more! Wow! So out there so left field! I presume the taste profile of all these are equally compelling! Feck!

I’ve seen 3 or 4 other siren crafts in my local offie. Mos def gonna buy those mutha demons!

As I type and write and google and dream I’m getting drunk. Sipping through this 9.5%er I really feel it comin on. I’m giddy and have the butterflies. This is exciting. Ya see I’ve written songs and lyrics before and the title of this beer and the others are captivating me. They are song titles! Album titles! I want to listen to Bones of a Sailor part III! I imagine someone like Burial or Shackleton making the music. Dark broody troublesome beats. Journey to the K hole.
And what about this sailor and his bones? Was he murdered? Ya he was! Southampton 1798, he’s had ten too many tankards. Leavin’ the “No Hope and Anchor” tavern, trippin’ on cobbles, spit mumblin’ shanties and spittin’ and spittin’ and spittin’ by the sea! He pissed someone off, he always did. Ale, the great lubricator, always greased up his slipshod mouthhole! A rock to the head. Death down the docks, soul thwacked out of him, nuthin’ but bones of a sailor left. Poor bastard.

I’ve been drawn to imperial stouts recently. I knew nothing about them but recently read of some top 20 beers in the world list. It was compiled by gathering the favourite beers from all the well known beer sommeliers around the world… Or something. I noticed that around 10 of the 20 were imperial stouts. The prefix Imperial was originally used by breweries from around the 18th century to denote the strongest or finest beer they produced. A lot of these were shipped to Russia and became known as Russian imperial stouts. So kinda like the India pale ale thing so ladies, and lads, don’t forget the lads. Imperials tend to be from 8% to 12% if not more and that again! Full bodied, massively malty, very dark, and bitter-sweet. I’m hooked! From what I’ve noticed so far they tend to be quiet expensive. A lot come in 750ml sharing bottles and can be €15-€20 like! This 330ml was €5.25. Well worth it though. Sure ya feel like ya’ve had 3 bottles after it.
This is the most excited I’ve ever been after a beverage! I’m giving it a 10.
I’m giving it a 10!
10/10!
I mean it’s flawless and so unique!
Christ what am I gonna review next?
Will I spend weeks on Siren Craft Brew?
I might have ta?
They’re my new favourite band!

The Guzzzler