School’s out for…Spring Break?

The Timeless Disappointment

Honestly, some time — long, long ago — the teachers of the world must’ve convened and established the week-long atrocity that is ‘Spring Break’; their plan — to send their students’ already feeble brains into a multi-day stupor before introducing final exams. Why? I ask that consistently.

All jokes aside, Spring Break is approaching. And, you all know what that means: bikinis, booze, bad judgement, and shame-worthy spray tans. Being the 15 year old I am, most of my free time will be spent avoiding parties, shirtless boys, and the drunken mass of youth. Then again, I’m not a typical teenage girl. Don’t expect your daughter to timidly look away from his abs — she won’t. She’ll stare. She’ll drool. She’ll cry because he’s too old for her.

To all who may stumble upon this — I wish you a safe and (possibly) sober Spring Break! May your few days be marked by memories and joy.

[PS: I don’t mean to offend the orange-and-streaky skinned, wasted, and loosely-moraled.]