Connor you absolutely had me in stitches. You are such a talented writer. Clearly sales copy is not the only thing you are good at.
As for your underlying message and plight…
The school system is a flawed system that has not changed for over 100 years. It drastically needs to be revised to help breed young entrepreneurs and free thinkers, who question and challenge all the status quo's.
People who can CHANGE the world, not help to keep it THE SAME as it is.
Or if it cannot do that, then it needs to be done away with entirely.
Just keep working your magic and play the game untill you can free yourself.
Judging by your talent it won't be long at all.
Love your work!