[Tinder] E-Bear (NSFW)

August 12

‘I cant believe it… I dont usually do this’.

She says, in between her head bobbing up and down near my crotch. Somehow that sounds oh so familiar. I should be happy at this, i mean she’s down there giving me a blowjob- but i’ll tell you why i wanted this girl out of my house as soon as possible.

To get the full gist of this, i need to bring you back to a week earlier. A casual tinder date. She was a nice, filipino girl who seems to be well travelled, ambitious and overall “ okay “ as a person. (You know there’s something wrong when ‘being ok’ is actually preferable.)

There’s a strong hint of arrogance, and not in an attractive manner, moreso in a ‘im better than you’ aspect. I couldn’t put my finger on it then, but im pretty sure about it now.

Anyway, the date progressed, ive had two glasses of wine and things are going okay. I wasn’t fully physically attracted to her, and i was contemplating whether to do it or not. She had an okay face, but her bottom half was quite thick. Not in a good way but not bad either. It was doable. She later showed me photos of her before, which was super overweight. She’s done well. People have preferences, and not to body shame or anything but i have a preference too. (Love all shapes and sizes, just prefer a certain type!)

Anyway, fast forward a week and its 1 am- im drunk as fuck and i tell her to come over. I’m thirstier than someone lost in the Sahara desert.

Her: meet me at the train station.

Me: no- im already in bed, at home.

Her: its called ‘meeting halfway’

This girl is already pissing me off.

I told her she can come and cuddle, or she can be boring and go home. She said she’s on her way.

A resounding YES echoed in my room, i immediately clear all of the shit around in preparation for her arrival. I tidied everything, made sure everything was as pristine as possible, which was a task near impossible at a very inebriated state.

Her: i think im here.

Words ive never wanted to hear more at this moment. I polished a solid bottle of wine before i ventured home so i am well and truly wasted enough for bootycall.

I met her outside. Sporting a denim jacket and a tight black dress, she looked cute, granted she was still a 4- but she was bordering a 5 at this very drunken state.

I pressed on.

She came in and we made small talk. She didnt want a drink. We head straight for my room. I turn the lights off and lay down on my bed. She slapped my bum and took her jacket off.

I stood up and next thing you know her tongue was down my throat. That moved quick. The next sequence of events may not be in chronological order, but you can guarantee that the eventual outcome of it was the same- get out of my house.

We started kissing, out of the last few girls ive kissed she was one of the better ones. Clothes start to fly off and we get down to business.

She starts to play with me, i tell her to go down and she obliges. This is great! No complaints, granted she’s a bigger girl than what i usually go for, but its not bad nonetheless.

She keeps giving and stopping, and this goes on for a while. I couldnt really understand why. Why couldnt she just stay down until i finish? Why the need to complain?

I press forward. She didnt want to.

‘I dont like giving head’

Ok. That’s not an issue. She starts to dry hump my dick. Usual indication of ‘fuck me’. More than happy to do it.

‘I dont usually do this’

I heard her the first time around. I tease by rubbing my dick on her clit. She moans. I grab a condom. She stops.

‘Are you trying to fuck me? I dont fuck on the first date, its my rule.’

I wanted to shout at her at this point.

* You came here at 2 am, obviously to fuck.

* you were quite willing to be fingerbanged but hesitant to give head

* why you expected otherwise from a booty call i will never know.

So i established that she didnt wanna fuck. She didnt wanna give head. What did she want to do? She wanted to kiss.

I said: ‘we’ve been kissing for half an hour, im pretty tired.’

Which was true. I was tired of kissing and i just wanted to get my rocks off and go to sleep. She complained again. ‘I never do this, i dont like giving head’ blah.

I was pissed off. Im drunk, horny and this girl doesnt wanna mess around or do anything else besides kiss. Were both adults here.

We lay there staring at the ceiling. She starts putting clothes on (including her white granny pants DontActLikeIDidntNotice) and began texting. Who at 3 am i have no idea.

Her: sorry i have to go at 6 am. Do you mind if i stay?

Me: let’s just cuddle and go to sleep.

I lay there, hands around this random booty call as if im emotional attached to her. Inside im a hot mix of anger, emotional trauma with a strong lingering backdrop of a whitewine. I didnt understand why this girl couldn’t comprehend the logic in what she’s doing. I start to question myself- am i an asshole for thinking this is a bootycall?

I get hot and move away from her. A few minutes later she moves closer to me.

Me: uhh can you move over? Im at the edge of my own bed.

After a while, i fell asleep. The last time i had a girl stay over was my ex. I await for the day i forget about her entirely. I will wait for it with open arms, confetti and party poppers.

In the mean time, im gonna get my rocks off. around 4/5 am I woke up and placed her hands conveniently on my crotch. Things get spicy again and the cycle continues. Here’s a checklist:

* 10 minutes kissing, check.

* mediocre hand job, check

* average blowjob, check.

* ‘im really bad at giving head speech’, check

* ‘i dont usually do this’ speech, check.

* ‘ i dont fuck on the first date’ speech, check.

I told her, messing around with her is more like a negotiation instead of being fun. Went back to sleep.

In the morning i woke straight up. Ive never been so happier to have a girl out of my house.

‘Ciao!’ She quietly says as she steps out of the door.

Ciao? You’re not even remotely Italian. Get da fuck outta here.

I should vet these booty calls more.