[Tinder] Milfhunter part II/ParrotGirl (NSFW)
June 13, 2016 8:30 pm
Milf: hey, so…
Me: you’re outside?
Milf: no, im around 5 minutes away
Me: right… So why are you calling? Are you lost?
Milf: no, this is just the way i am.
Me: but i’ll see you in 5 minutes…?
Clingy doesnt even begin to fathom what she’s like at that point. Why call me when she’s coming over anyway?
Im sitting there watching game of thrones and its her third call in the past 20 minutes. Just intervals of her updating on what she’s doing, her makeup, the uber is on the way and above- Lord almighty i didnt want an update that often, just when she’s flipping outside so i can open the door.
She finally gets here, i usher her in. She complains she doesnt have full makeup on, she’s ugly, yadda yadda. Ive heard that speech before. Girls dont go out of the house ugly, and when they do- they dont flaunt it. She was just looking for a compliment, which of course i happily gave.
We headed upstairs and talked for a bit. I had 10 minutes left of the latest game of thrones and i really wanted to watch the ending. I made her lay on the bed with me watching the end to an episode she hasnt seen. I may literally go to hell. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in some countries.
So we pick a film, lay down and its business time. She was, silly enough to be on her period (she didnt tell me) so we couldnt fully mess with each other, but she happily gave a disgustingly good blowjob. So i guess we were both happy.
Sidenote: girls, dont do this in a bootycall. Also, swallow so it isnt messy. Do give blowjobs as a conciliation prize.
Anyway, an hour and a bit later and straight after that, this happens:
Milf: right, i gotta go.
Me: wait, what?
Milf: i have work tomorrow
Me: but.. Wait, okay.
Suddenly dawns on me that this is perfect. She literally took an uber to get here at 8:30, mess around with me and she’s gone by 10. Goddamn, what a scenario.
So after milf leaves im feelin’ pretty good, and Parrotgirl drops me a line. We talk for a bit and she goes ‘video call…?’
I hesitated. Ive never had a skype video call with someone i barely know. I mean, ive done most things but not this one. I was really hesitant. So i gave it 10 minutes before replying and played a round on Overwatch. I message her and next thing you know i’m scrambling to get my headphones on and its all systems go.
The problem is, she’s boring as fuck.
A huge chip on the shoulder and a re-occuring theme with these girls i match with on Tinder is that, they’re all fucking lonely which is understandable, but what i didnt understand is why everyone has a sob story. Didnt get along with parents, rough childhood, blah… My friend mentioned that im probably attracting girlfriend material type of girls, which is sort of a good thing, the bad side is that potentially they open up too quickly, scaring off suitors (except me, cause i just quickly change topic or call out bullshit.)
This girl wasn’t an exception. 10 minutes into the call and i was running out of things to talk about. She does nothing for fun. She doesnt do anything besides work and home. She keeps saying ‘her life is so much different here than back in the philippines’ which i understand, but yo- this is depressing.
Then i had a brilliant idea.
I wanted to get out of the call but not be rude about it. So i texted my housemate ‘favour, call me please’ and waited for a response. After a minute this happens:
Me: hello?
Housemate: what?
Me: what, really?
Housemate: wtf are you on about (confused)
Me: no, right now?
Housemate: … (even more confused)
Me: yeah okay, i dont mind.
With that, i hang up on my pretend call, and say goodbye to Parrotgirl.
I quickly ran over to my housemate’s room and tell her the story, obviously very greatful for her help.
She goes: … Why didnt you just hang up?
I guess i’m not that much of an asshole.
Sidenote- she’s called parrotgirl as she has two parrots. I’m super creative, i know.
