I've been waiting for a long time for this day! I've gone through so many phases mentally this past year and i can finally say, i've finished this writing piece.
This post is not focused on what you see but whats behind it ( but what you see is quite awesoME 😁😏😈). For the last 5 years i've been fighting a big battle with anxiety and depression. Having to go to hospitals 9 times in the span of 2 years cause of attacks, is not fun. Having to wear tabs on your chest to track your heart, having patches on your chest to track your heart. Seeing all the hospital bills, seeing family and some of the closest friends you have see you go through all those attacks... It makes a major impact on a person. I've been mentally broken down for quite some time and I knew I was the only one who could help myself. February 6th of this year i was in the hospital cause i over dosed on my anxiety pills. I was at the point in my life where all the negativity just took over. For months i felt down and out and i couldn't find that positivity that i NOW know i have. I was under a big cloud. After some time I realized that i wasn't UNDERSTANDING myself! My anxiety attacks were caused by my state of mind. The constant overthinking. Anytime my heart beats fast, i thought i'd be back in the hospital. I LET negativity bring me down and keep me there! That same night in the hospital i finally understood why i need to pick myself up from everything. I have so many things to be thankful for and grateful for! My family, friends and after these 11 months i can finally say MYSELF!
#projects has been about me being me ! I truly believe we all need reassurance! One of the most important people you'll ever get reassurance from is yourself! This year has been great! Im wiser, stronger and im soooooo excited for all the things im going to do! These past 11 months, one of the biggest lessons i've learned is the simple fact that when you conquer your mind, you can conquer anything! Today i can happily say that anxiety is a state of mind! The main thing is UNDERSTANDING. Truthfully, i was looking at my best friends to understand me in my dark times. The matter of the fact was that i needed to understand myself first. I've always been grateful for the people around me. I APPRECIATE them cause they've helped me be me! To be honest i feel everyone has those people around them! I've always had my friends tell me things about myself that really helped! The big problem was understanding! I could never understand what people meant by "you're so positive". Yeah i have a smile on my face 99% of the time but was i that "happy" that when that 1 % came around i wasnt worth asking whats wrong? Was i too happy to never get a phone call to just ask how im doing? Was i to happy to not get yelled at cause im also someone on this planet who needs to be yelled at to get things out of him? I knew i couldn't get the answer from my friends cause honestly I knew it was me! I control my mind, i control my emotions. Thats what i started! Just simply UNDERSTANDING myself! Everyone in this world feels that stuff! They have friends but dont communicate with them! They know they have people around to support but they need it beaten out! Soooooo, I started being consistent with my gym life! (AND IM JUST GETTING STARTED😈😈 ) Just trying to get as many mental gainz as i could! Opened my mind way more! Kept feeding myself and my brain! Rap (no i dont rap😂), bhangra, dancing, driving, going to movies alone, going on walks after work in the middle of the night, just pressuring myself to kick back and understand myself! Slowly that understanding became re-assurance! I am a happy guy! I am a positive person! I do look at the sky at night and become a different person 😎😂😂😈 . I do love loud and simply enough, I WON'T STOP trying to understand the people around me! Going through a hell of a rollercoaster ride alone helped me see whats wrong with this world. I was not the only one battling anxiety on such a serious note! Hell, im not the only one battling anxiety period! But hey! If i found a way of kicking its ass, WHY NOT HELP!!
This is literally for anyone!! Anxiety or no anxiety! Depression or no depression! You feel down in the gutter and dont know how to get out? Heres a guy who IS NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ALIVE TODAY, telling you, you're getting up! The best part? Its going to be all you! People will help but at the end it will be you! Feed yourself! YOUR world is filled with things you are passionate about, GO DO THOSE THINGS!! I personally just happen to be the guy who loves to love and loves to give respect! I've heard people talk about personal energy soooooo many times and shit i've questioned myself to! But when it comes to love and respect... Im infinite! I've reassured that to myself! Shit, we all go through this! But im going to stand here and say FUCK IT! Why? Why should we feel the need to leave this world? IN THE MOMENT its easy to get suffocated by your sadness! You feel lonely, you feel nobody is there for you! BUT IT ALL GOES TO ONE THING! Its simply this, NOBODY FEELS UNDERSTOOD! People lack communication! At the same time we all want to be understood! I always hear the classic, " im so tired of blah blah blah" its understandable! Every one has the right to be fed up or annoyed! But everybody also has the right to be UNDERSTOOD! I dont care if someone doesn't want to be understood! You can't stop me from trying to sit here and help! Lets fight LOLL... Society loves to say " actions speak louder than words." So lets say you do fight! There, THE ACTION came out! How come its the words at the end that resolve everything? Rather it be a good bye or a new beginning? Hell there are some people who rather give words first! (👳🏾✋🏾) just to see if you can UNDERSTAND their words before they hit you with an action, cause words... Words are HUGE in my opinion. The main thing is UNDERSTANDING those words! So when the action comes up, you know whats right and wrong.
Now i want to simply ask everyone who has liked this post or acknowledged it to start UNDERSTANDING! There are so many people in this world who simply need to be understood! Also there are many people out here who have to suffer to the point where suicide does become an option. I don't know who i can get to but i do want to get to who ever i can. This post isn't only about my mental gains that made me into the guy i am today. This whole post is about UNDERSTANDING and APPRECIATING. I've been writing this since the day i got out of that hospital and i've had days where my mentality just doesn't co-operate to let me write this. I've stopped for weeks and months and continue all over again! Its not that im chasing perfection or anything, its simply the fact that i'm learning about understanding! Once i started understanding myself, i just wanted to understand the people around me and especially my close ones! The amazing birthday wishes that i get from my close ones every year... I save them! I APPRECIATE these people! Shit they're literally a big chunk of my life! They know who they are and honestly that'll honestly be something i'll be doing my whole life cause i have a purpose in my life! #HP
"Im here for something bigger than me, and my only desire is to add value to everything I can."
This is a quote that i live by, simply cause its a part of my purpose in life. YESSS i already know my purpose in life!
I am so thankful that i do cause im going in head first! I live by the words love and respect and hence my purpose! Will i share my purpose with anybody? Hell no! #HP only reason im mentioning it cause it throws all those "is it someone special" questions out the door.
Since highschool i have been on a constant rollercoaster, i met a group of great people that made me stay up and then anxiety just kept me on the ground! I always believed in the simple fact that only 3 letters separate NEGativity and POSitivity. ( ok maybe the a and i play in too but YOU GET THE POINT😁 ) ANYBODY who truly wants positive vibes, THEY ARE ALL AROUND YOU!
As for the friends in our life! Truth be told i can make mine feel very very very horrendous if they read what i was about leave them the night i wanted to end my life! Hell my family would feel horrible tooo! BUT THE FACT IS THAT IN THE MOMENT, your frustration erupts and you let things out and honestly... You dont always mean them! Its a TEMPORARY state of mind! Cause if you've loved the people around you for a long time... That love will never die! I may sound HELLLA corny right now but facts are facts! People lack so much communication that they're ready to just throw away a friendship without talking things out! When you got people around you WHO TRULY LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU! You simply gotta grow the fuck up man! APPRECIATE AND UNDERSTAND THESE PEOPLE!!! The love they give you every day is all they want back! Keeep those positive vibes goinnnnn!!! ( this part is something i just want to let out for certain people tbh Y'll CAN HIT ME UP AFTER YOU READ THIS 😜😁 )
There are also people who've been hurt and carry a scar with them. This scar turns into a hole for them. A hole in the heart, a hole in the mind... They get damaged. Wait the fuck am i saying... WE get damaged! But all that scar needs is understanding. ( im being repetitive but i've been quiet for years so not dropping the mic yet 😂 😈)
Every picture with this hashtag is literally what im about (if anyone cares, yes you can be a creep 😂😂😂)
Whoever read all of this just know i appreciate you! ❤️✊🏽
I truly hope anybody who is going through some tough times knows that they aren't alone. If you know me, hit me upppp ✊🏽 and for those who dont know me well... SUPP IM HARMANJIT KHAKH 😁