‘Watching Eyes’ and Depth Of Connection: Why Autistics Skip The B.S, Better.

I used to struggle with communication when I fixed only on the words being said to me. Given I went unaware and undiagnosed for almost forty years now, it’s become more apparent that I’ve a different way of communicating now.

It’s felt.

Someone will say something to me, and I’ll automatically, without even thinking about it, identify the fear, worry, projection, emotion underneath that thought.

And carry on the conversation, in response to that INSTEAD.

As a result, terrible at small talk. Get very bored of it. And will antagonise, challenge, emotionally scrutinize and collate data on the basis of what’s ‘going on underneath.’

The most vibrant and rich people I know, have a fair and clear awareness of their emotional states, and communicate beyond them. But most don’t. And I’d rather cut the BS and direct my attention to the depth of things, the subtext, rather than waste time playing tonsil tennis to an idea masking the reality.

It really helped that I spent some years deep diving into human behaviour and programming- it means I recognise it quickly, and therefore have little tolerance. Does it mean I’m a bit intense? Yes. Does it also mean I can read people really well? Yes yes.

As a consequence, I don’t keep people around who haven’t done the work on themselves. I can’t bear it. It means I choose now, to operate from a relatively free state of play, expressing from my heart almost all of the time, and I can’t begin to explain how much more free and comfortable I am, as a result.

High emotional intelligence is apparently not present in autistics but I feel it’s the opposite. Autistics are lie-allergic, and also highly sensitive to emotions, whilst also at times being monotropic in their thinking, and appear to be fixated on chosen subjects or things, whilst also in the same breath, observing everything else that’s going on around them.

It’s been difficult sticking to this, as I don’t like conflict, and most people in the world are intimacy adverse, whilst my means of being sincerely demands it. I can’t help it. Some don’t want to be known, don’t want to be seen, don’t want to radiate out certain qualities they’re burying under the transitory beliefs in thought, plan, and goal oriented action. But it can’t be avoided. Couple this with high pattern recognition, and it makes autistic people a force in the ways of the world.

I rely quite heavily on the eyes. I watch eyes more than I do anything else, as all the emotional material lives in there. And I can get very distressed if there’s an unmatching sequence playing out- where the eyes say something different than the face does.

Cover your peepers, I’m coming for you.

So the old myth- autistics don’t understand social cues. Sure, we don’t get some. But what’s really happening is that we filter out what doesn’t have value- projected plan, disjointed agenda, false projected idea… We just don’t let on we know that’s happening. And we do. We do.

So Mi5, if you fancy giving me a job can you get on with it please? I’d quite like a new pair of Chelsea boots, thanks.

Has this been your experience? Tell me in the comments.

MA