When to stop doing what you love…

I LOVE to cook!

I can spend hours cooking, thinking about cooking, or watching and reading about cooking. It is a passion and a love for me. For me, it is an artistic outlet.

Some people paint…

Some people write music…

while others play it; some people use language to lead people on adventures…

exploring thoughts, places, things old and new

All with the written word!

As much as I would love to be an artist …

Sadly … I am not.

Me … I cook. Cooking is the only thing I do that I would consider in any way remotely artistic. I can put my headphones in; put some music on and lose myself in hours and hours of exploration and adventure. I love to explore different places and cultures through the food they create.

Cooking is even more personal to me. No matter what I cook …

I put my heart … my passion … my Love in to that food.

So what to do when what you love … that one thing that lights your creative fires and lets your soul sing is something so common place that nearly everyone does it every day. What do you do when your personal “A Starry Night”, your “Sistine Chapel”, when … the only symphony you know how to compose, becomes someones “what’s for dinner”?

Don’t get me wrong; It really is not about being asked what I am cooking that is my person “nails on a chalkboard”. What I continually struggle with, the thing that just chaps my ass… Is that something that I do and love to do…

has become something…

that is just expected of me.

I don’t like how I feel when I realize something I do out of love and passion someone else just expects. I really struggle with it. Cooking is such a basic human activity, I struggle fight to leave guilt at the curb. I fight not to lash out and be sarcastic when asked about cooking.

Even worse, knowing that my “art” is someone else’s “bread and water” I find myself pulling back from cooking. It doesn’t bring me joy; then I find myself diving into slop of self-pity and poor me.

Soon after; without fail, I am asked why I am not cooking the expected meal.

An inquiry that generally yields a response along the lines of … ” there are plenty of left overs in the fridge” , or “there is spinach, grilled chicken, and feta cheese in the fridge. Why not make a salad?”

Only, to then see, that person go grab the thing that requires the least amount of effort and throw it on a plate and go inhale it without another word.

At the end of it all I try …

NO! I will not TRY not to feel guilty or devalued or “insert a popular passive aggressive pile of tripe phrase here!”

See this is where I STOP the train.

I decide when and where to use my gifts and talents.

WHEN do I decide to stop doing something that I LOVE …

WHENEVER the HELL I want!

And you know what … that is more than OK.

That my friends…

THAT is PERFECT.


Originally published at lifeintegreated.com.

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