Exes and Friends?
Can exes still be friends? Two people who couldn’t make a relationship survive, can they make friendship thrive? If so, how successful or unsuccessful are such friendships?
Here, I am choosing to overlook completely the case of friends who started dating but only look at people who met, got attracted and started a relationship without ever even knowing each other before. Yeah, I know, I know we all say such friendships are possible but it’s easier said than done. We have all had those clingy partners; you know the kind I’m talking about- the ‘fraandship’ hunters. This breed looks around to cultivate ‘fraandships’ and god forbid we give into a relationship, you’re never going to see the last of them (even post-breakup). I for one believe that you choose friends based on a different scale than what you use for a girlfriend or boyfriend. A friend should be caring and fun whereas most of us like our partners to be the tiniest bit possessive, caring- Yes but of a much deeper and varied nature. So then, it is very hard according to me at least for your ex-partner to turn into a friend. The emotions, the spark you once felt cannot altogether die down in an instant or change its nature, and in the event of being associated with such clingy, needy types that I mentioned earlier, they willnever let it die down.
Friendships that germinate out of broken relationships may be justified. You could tell me that the nature of care and love that they shared transforms and makes exes great friends, not to mention the comfort level. The fact that they already know you makes for strong bonds. But to those people, I say, if you like me had been a cynic (a die-hard one at that), you’d understand that it is nothing but awkwardness waiting to happen. You should be able to share anything and everything with a friend, not too many boundaries, not too much propriety. With friends, if you’re anything like me, you bitch about people, whine about vain stuff, complain about your partners or moon about them (depending on what kind of place you are at in a relationship). This is because the intentions behind this friendship are pure and it isn’t an effort to convert something into a platonic bond. Maybe it’s just me and my wholly degenerate trajectory of relationships but that does just not happen with an ex turned friend, if they turn friend at all.
The dedicated pessimist in me believes if you broke up, you did for a reason and that reason was not so that you could become the best of friends. Friendships might happen in such circumstances but that; my sweetheart is the exception and not the rule. After all, don’t they say “Jo beet gayi voh baat gayi!”? Trust me; they know what they’re talking about. If it were me, I’d consider this very sound advice and take it.
Of course, if don’t mean to undermine the rare friendship that did rise out of a break-up like a phoenix. But what I mean is to stress on the word, rare. Those of you who make it work, I applaud but most of us are only humans and scruffy ones at that. It doesn’t happen for us and if we do try and make it, it is one big catastrophe in the end. Drifting apart in a relationship is often one of the most common excuses to make an ex a friend but do consider that you drifted apart because you did not like spending much time with the other person. There is no obligation to be friends after a break-up and if you’re the dumper, then please don’t say- Let’s stay friends and then actually take it seriously!
Exes don’t make for great friends according to me but if you did make it work, earned a great friendship and if I haven’t managed to offend you by now, let me know how you did it?