A Low Day in a Charmed Life
Today was a low day. Physically and emotionally, I simply did not have “it” today. I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke up, hours before I had to; with my throat on fire. It felt like a midget was sitting on my chest. My head hurt and my spirits were low. As my Partner lay sleeping beside me, I tried to decide what to do…
You see, Stay at Home Moms? We don’t have sick days. Sick or well, physically or emotionally? We are required to be OFF [ON]. Sure, my Partner could help more before going to work. And yes, my Husband could come home from work early. But no matter what? There’s unavoidably a little person for who I have to be responsible. My 10 month old son looks to me for his needs, and I won’t- cannot- disappoint him.
Being a Mom isn’t my only job. I’m also someone’s Wife, Partner, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Business Partner. I’m someone’s Big and Someones’ little. I’m the Olivia Pope of all of their lives and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m the one who manages our Family schedule, who remembers that we’re out of toilet paper. I’m the little sister who deals with your demons when you’re just… can’t. I’m the Friend who talks you through stressful days at work, who proofreads your essays. I’m everyone’s dependable, constant, tell-it-like-it is “Person”. People like me don’t *get* days off.
But… I’m having a low day today. Inexplicably? I feel like shit. And so? I’ve tried to be really quiet. Done only what is necessary. Changed diapers and made bottles and fed baby boy lunch. Ate soup to avoid trouble with my loved ones. Laid in the bed very quietly, seeking to be invisible and yet hating the feeling of invisibility.
I live a charmed life. There, I said it. I won’t pretend I don’t. I don’t have a 9–5. I don’t have to. My Partners both have “good” jobs which allows me to stay home with our son and work my business at will. I have an abundance of devoted friends and family members who love and spoil me. By almost every metric; my life is better than most of all Americans.
And yet? Today was a low day. It’s hard to explain being sad or feeling hopeless when you have every advantage. And so? I don’t explain. I simply sit here, and wait for the low day to pass.