30-Day Writing Challenge — Day 26

April 26th, 2016

Things You’d Say To An Ex

This is where I get to just rip into my exes. Bash them verbally for the pain they caused me, for the emotional damage they’ve inflicted and the complete and utter lack of concern they showed me. Yes this is my chance to expose every failing they displayed while we were together… And nobody would blame me for doing so. The emotional grief of having your heart broken is known universally by all those that have been in a relationship. And those that have not had their hearts broken have no right to judge that anguish.

BUT…

That’s not who I am. Yes, it’s true that there was a time when I was so overcome with pain and grief that I would have taken any chance to lash out against them. But before they entered my life, that is not who I was, that is not who I want to be, and that is not who I am. So I take this opportunity to thank them.

My first serious relationship was with a girl named Amber. She was my first love, my first lover, and the person who exposed me to the combative arts. She cared for me because of who I was, who I am. She saw past the harsh exterior, past the pain, and past the anger. She helped me see myself through a clearer lens and showed me that there were depths within my own soul that I had not seen before. She helped me learn how to use my anger, rather than merely live in it. True, she broke my heart. True she left me devastated and alone… But my experience with her taught me that I was, that I am, strong. Both in body and in spirit. For that, Amber, I thank you.

My last serious relationship lasted just shy of a decade. It was with a Woman named Sandra. She is the one who devastated me utterly. When she broke my heart, I was left so completely broken, that even to this day I am not yet fully healed from the emotional ravaging I suffered. True, there was emotional manipulation, and the power dynamic was never equal. But no relationship is perfect. No relationship is without its problems. There was good in that relationship. There is good in her. And she, like Amber, opened me to new experiences and showed me that there are those out there in the world that will appreciate me for the person I am without the need to hold back. Few and far between as they are. Sandra, you showed me I could be myself and still be loved. You opened me up to a spirituality of which I hadn’t even conceived. But most importantly, you taught me that I can let go of all that pain and know that it didn’t have to hold me back. It’s a lesson I ignored for a time after we parted ways, but not one that I ever truly forgot. As much as you hurt me, and as much as I still miss your friendship. But like the song says: “Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.” Thank you for the lesson.

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