Beautiful Trumplandia!

Trump voters live in the magical world of Trumplandia:

Have you ever been to Trumplandia boys and girls?

No? Well follow me on a mystical journey to the wilds of Trumplandia.

In Trumplandia, taxes pay you.

In Trumplandia, we offer online correspondence classes that are 140 characters long.

In Trumplandia, giving wealthy people tax breaks makes poor people poop sparkly raspberry jam in joy!

In Trumplandia, every unwanted pregnancy ends with a child that might one day become the hero who fixes the welfare state!

In Trumplandia, people are paid exactly what they are worth in the eyes of God.

In Trumplandia, we line our bird cages with green cards and visas.

In Trumplandia, all news comes from bloggers. It’s the people’s news!

In Trumplandia, Christmas happens every day for 2 months, and Halloween is when we hunt criminals.

In Trumplandia, we keep our pets on our heads — hair possums — because they survive on the fumes of bovine feces accidentally consumed by the residents and expelled in gossamer gastric-expressions. They do love that bullshit we talk, them little hair possums.

In Trumplandia, pu$$y flows on tap. You can walk into a bathroom and wash your dick in pu$$y! Free pu$$$$y!

In Trumplandia, clean air and water are easily accessible for all who attain the “right” ID and Social Media score.

In Trumplandia, we are no longer oppressed by some imposter Presidential alien, Islamic cult puppet…hallelujah Jesus has come to DC because in Trumplandia…

Sometimes” is not a thing. We are all the time, or never. Always, or Not At All. “Maybe” is a weak concept created by the fraudulent voters.

In Trumplandia, we love Israel but the Jews? Mmmm not so much.

In Trumplandia, we cut budgets using pastel, rainbow, marzipan mathematics.

In Trumplandia, you can live in the 80’s ALL THE TIME! Cocaine, sports cars and Contra scandals for EVERYONE!

In Trumplandia, what you call Mexican food we call South Texas Patriot Cuisine. You call them tortillas? We call them High Plains Pancakes!

In Trumplandia, we kept the oil. Did your President keep the oil? No, yeeeah, no he didn’t keep the oil, did he…see we took the oil and we PROUDLY water boarded and entire nation to get it. Sooooo…

Thank you for coming to Trumplandia.

During your stay in Trumplandia remember to declare any deviant sexual behavior at customs so that you’ll be properly processed, neutered and tagged.

When in Trumplandia, it is reasonable to praise Trump…often.

Failure to provide proper tribute in Trumplandia may result in investigation by federal agents and/or severe words on Twitter.

In Trumplandia we are sad when people are unhappy…in the streets…waving those signs. Poor, sad Godless people.

Oh well…

We hope you enjoyed your stay in Trumplandia.

Please remember to make an “Alt” Right (wink, wink) into the gift shop on your way out and pick up your Hillary Clinton effigy piñatas and commemorative plates.

Have a great trip home and don’t come running back TOO soon now, ya hear?

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