Needling Dietl

Richard “Bo” Dietl is an ex-cop, a former Fox news consultant, and an actor who currently owns a private investigating firm. He has been a Trump supporter but has also supported Hillary Clinton possibly running for New York City Mayor. This is somewhat bizarre considering he is now running for mayor of New York himself. When the New York Post asked the Dietl camp to describe him politically, they said he’s a “…fiscal conservative Democrat...” He almost didn’t get on the ballot because when he applied, he checked off that he was part of both the Independent Party and the Democrats on the form. He then blamed the current mayor for his inability to follow simple directions.

Dietl’s personal style is interesting as well. He has an old-school New York accent, perpetual 5 o’clock shadow, slick-back hair like an 80’s era Wall Street sleezebag and he dresses like he bought Joe Pesce’s wardrobe from Goodfellas (which he also had a small part in) on eBay. Dietl also sports a tragic year round salon tan that seems to emulate a certain Kumquat in Chief we all know.

Some of the things this political chimera is touting regarding his opponent Mayor Bill DeBlasio’s weaknesses are that he went to the Red Sox spring training and that DeBlasio has been to other countries. Dietl said to the mayor, “This is a Yankees city. Go back down to Boston, all right? You know what, you like Havana? You like Nicaragua…Go back.”

Dietl’s past support for Trump makes it all the more surreal that he is running as a Democrat. Dietl explained his current party affiliation by saying, “I realized one thing — New York City is made up of 10 to one Democrats. And you know what, Democrats don’t have herpes.” It seems that to qualify to be a Democrat these days, the key is to be bereft of oozing cold sores, and Bo is claiming to be cootie free. And of course, as a Democrat, Dietl put a video of a beloved liberal icon on his homepage — Ronald Reagan.

One of my new favorite pass times is to follow Dietl’s mayoral advertising campaign on Facebook. It features cheesy composite images of Dietl on top of the Empire State Building like King Kong. He obviously didn’t see the movie. The ape dies Bo.

He also proves his legislative chops by posting videos of himself doing push ups and his main offensive strategy is to call Mayor DeBalsio “Big Bird” at any given chance. Dietl is not a tall man. It seems a little Napoleonic saying that his rival is a bad choice because he’s vertically gifted. Beyond that, last time I checked, people loved Big Bird so I am curious how this strategy is working out for him.

And since we are talking about advertisements, Dietl was also featured in an Arby’s commercial where he claims that the meat from Arby’s rival chain is processed at a frightening looking plant that reminds me of the kind of place mobster John Gotti might have disposed of a rival or two himself at.

Finally the last piece of confusing data Bo throws out there is this baffling photo below…

It is the very last image on his website’s press photo gallery. Is this Bo in the 70's? Was he trying out as a Village Person? Is this an appeal to blue-collar gay men? Why does it look like a Herb Ritts photo? Bo, please explain!

Though this may feel like a Dietl take down piece, I am no a fan of Mayor DeBlasio. I was suspicious of him after he ate his pizza with a knife and fork. Then there were the calls of corruption and continual political failures in City Hall and in Albany. Let me also stress that I am not completely condemning Dietl here either. Some of his platform aligns with some of my own values when it comes to affordable housing, quality of life and aid to the homeless. Being an outer borough boy myself, Bo’s native demeanor, over the top as it is, appeals to me. He is a stereotypical New York character and as cartoonish as this may seem to the rest of the world, this makes me comfortable. The only other candidate to toss his hat in the ring is this wealthy, politically-unknown, smarmy real estate executive with the appeal of, well, a wealthy, politically-unknown, smarmy real estate executive.

So where am I going with this? Let’s just say I am making a little prediction. Hear me out.

Dietl has a lot of the same appeal ex-Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz used to. He’s a huckster but sometimes a charming one. He reminds you of the kind of guy that you could have a beer and a laugh with at a local bar even if you didn’t agree with him all the time. He is loud and blustery but behind all that, his message comes off as sincere. Despite anything I’ve said here, I am convinced that Dietl does in fact love New York City.

Beyond all this, Dietl is also not an amateur regarding politics or the media. He ran for Congress and lost by a narrow margin against Congressman Rev. Floyd Flake in 1986. In 1989 President George Bush (Sr.) appointed him Co-Chairman of his National Crime Commission. In 1994 New York’s Governor Pataki appointed Bo as Chairman of the New York State Security Guard Advisory Council. He has had a prolific film and television career. He wrote an autobiography that was made into a movie with Stephen Baldwin portraying Bo. Finally, in case you missed it, Dietl recently played the guy that killed Andrew Dice Clay in the HBO show Vinyl.

He is a somewhat populist candidate, trying to position himself as the “little guy,” which he is at least in a literal sense, and as a true native New Yorker, which he also is. No arguments there. He has the type of personality I could see going over in Staten Island and some sections of the Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens but in past years I would have given his odds just a few points above the “Rent Is To Damn High” guy. I would have chalked him up as a novelty candidate, but since a reality TV star is now President, anything can happen folks.

Mayor DeBlasio has dropped the ball on everything from just showing up on time to alienating himself from Governor Cuomo who should have been a party ally in Albany. Cops hate him, the NYC media hates him, tenants and home owners hate him and he keeps making new enemies. The other candidate in the race is basically a pffft on the radar at this point.

Just like Michael Moore correctly predicted Donald Trump would win the general election while liberals foo-fooed it away, I am predicting, outside of some better talent entering the pool soon, this unshaven, extra-on-the Spranos-looking, loud-mouthed New Yawka in a Goombah suit, could well be our next mayor.

That said, I’m just going to leave this right here…