74. Dealing With Those Who Turn Away From Help

I’ve been learning some valuable lessons over the past couple of years, but one that shows itself time and again is dealing with those who turn away from help! It’s especially hard when something is presented that can completely eliminate the problems an individual is experiencing, is offered freely — no strings attached, yet they choose to dismiss it. I frequently wonder why individuals are drawn into my life, asking questions they really don’t want answers to, but I recognize there’s always much more to it than what we see on the surface.

What often happens, as our frequency increases and we grow, is those who are struggling are drawn to the light within us. They are seeking ways to address their own issues and pain, and the light within is warm, welcoming, and offers hope. As we learn and grow more, our frequency continues to rise.

Any time our frequency makes significant expansion, it can create issues with the people around us. Those in our environment must either rise to match the new frequency, or they will sabotage to get away from it, as it’s far too uncomfortable and revealing for them. It’s like taking a very bright light into a darkened room. There may initially be a welcoming of the light in the “main” areas, but when their favorite “darkened corners” become lit up, there is massive discomfort, as many things prefer to remain hidden in the shadows. That discomfort can appear in many different forms such as anger, withdrawal, excuses, lying, and all kinds of sabotage.

The bottom line is this… we are called to walk in the love, light, and frequency we have, with the understanding we are to continue in our own growth. It’s our duty to share the light we have, yet how others choose to respond to that light has absolutely nothing to do with us and is not our responsibility. It’s about the lens they currently view life through. Until they do the work to raise their own frequency and address their own inner emotional issues and soul work, that lens of perception will not change, nor can we force that to happen.

Many will choose to turn away from the very assistance they need, as the discomfort and vulnerability factor is far more than can be tolerated at the frequency they reside within. Our role at that point is to honor their journey, even if it’s painful to us when a relationship becomes stressed or is ended. The not knowing about unresolved issues is something that’s unbelievably hard, especially when relationships are close, as we want what’s best, but we cannot walk anyone’s road for them, as much as we’d often like to.

What I’ve learned is that there’s also a second group, who thrive on complaining about their problems and victimhood, and to alleviate their issues would take away from that attention. Quite often they are not even aware they are engaging in this behavior, yet they have been conditioned to receive encouragement and support in response to their tragic woes. For some, this is the only way they have learned to obtain any semblance of love and care from others.

My lesson has been to let it go! We cannot help individuals who are not ready, do not yet want to be helped, and are unwilling to take the steps necessary to help themselves! No one makes forward progress in their journey until they’ve arrived at the place that they’re wanting to do so. We can’t ever do it for them. They may not know how to move forward and may not have the necessary skills as of yet, but the want and willingness have to be there first, before the skills can be taught.

I want a lot of things, but until I’m willing to do what’s necessary to get them, nothing changes. Therefore, want and willingness must both be present. It’s also important to point out that sometimes the deepest of struggles are a necessary component in our journey. It has been some of my most difficult challenges that have made me who I am today and developed the skills necessary to step into my calling. This is true for us all.

I’ve had to learn to love from afar. What I mean by that is perhaps periodically calling or sending encouraging notes, while yet not being physically present. We have to remember that our frequency is also greatly impacted by those we choose to surround ourselves with. If we continually surround ourselves with those choosing to not address their issues, that negativity can begin to diminish our own vibration. This can be rather devastating in terms of both our own difficulties and growth.

We never stop loving those we care for, but we may have to do so from a distance. We must recognizing there are certain experiences they have not yet had, that will contribute to and prepare them to make the necessary decisions to move forward in their growth and health. That distance may be temporary or permanent. The best use of our energy is to love and hold space for them, until the time comes that they can step into that new space for themselves.

We have to come to a place where we can step outside ourselves, remember this is not personal, and recognize their journey for what it is, even if we don’t fully understand or agree with it. The bitterness, anger, or frustration we feel towards others usually arises because they are not meeting the expectations we have set for them, and therefore it’s causing pain and discomfort in our lives. When we can remove our expectations from that equation and look at them outside and devoid of our personal attachments, simply through the eyes of love, we no longer feel frustrated, angry or bitter, but rather have compassion, as we see their struggle and hope to see it resolved so they may find peace and healing.

To be good stewards of our time and resources, we need to focus our energy on those who have chosen to make forward progress (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), and with that, we can also celebrate the positive changes that unfold in those lives! Be discerning in where your time and energy are spent. There are untold millions who really do need and want our help. Focus on those!

Love & Light,
 Laura Lum Corby

Originally published at The Soulful Sage.

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