Last year, on June 17th, 2014 I posted up this status:
“I pray for the same things everyday: Courage. Strength. Everlasting Love. These are things that are very important to me. Dreams are also very important to me. I won’t lie. I am scared of the fact that I have faith in myself because it puts my head in a space that makes me think differently. A headspace that I am not used to. A space that I’m not sure I want to know. But someone told me something recently: “I’m never settling for less.” At what point do you know what is less? When you know, feel, and can fully understand your own greatness and potential, does something bad have to occur before you can be great? Thoughts are welcome.”
Exactly one year to the date, Facebook decided to remind me of the status I posted and I just could not believe what I was reading. To think I posted this status exactly a year ago because I started to doubt the relationship I was in and for very very good reasons. I started to think maybe I did, for some reason that was beyond me at the time, deserve better. I found out a various amount of upsetting information. All of which made me realize I was settling. I was settling in love. Settling in circumstances, finances, friendships. Settling for being a person who was okay with being less than content.
I asked a question last year, “At what point do you know what is less?” When you know, feel, and can fully understand your own greatness and potential, does something bad have to occur before you can be great?”
Lo and behold, a few months later I was living out my very own question and living out the answer at the same damn time: Yes. When I fully realized my potential, everything hit the fan and I was left very fragmented; very debris-like. Something bad did happen: I had gotten into a debate about race at a dinner and between me being really loud trying to get my point across and people screaming “She’s gotta go”, somehow I ended up in the trash bags on 5th ave at around 1:30am while I watched my ex boyfriend trail behind his aunt…leaving me in the trash.
I made sure I laid in that trash though. I had to engrain the image of my boyfriend at the time not helping me get up and out of the trash, but him trailing away behind his aunt back into his home. I laid there just in case the moment where I wanted to be a forgiving girlfriend came around (because it did). I accepted him back, but luckily enough for me I just couldn’t even really bear the sight of him after a while. It just got too hard to love a guy and be in a room with a guy who couldn’t admit he pushed you in the garbage. Shit, who walked away and left you in the garbage.
Seriously speaking, that’s when I realized I had been settling for 2 years. Ever since I stopped settling, life has been so much better. I still pray for the same things, courage, strength, and everlasting love, but this year I came to the conclusion that I really had this around me the whole time and to those who consistently had to remind me about it… thank you.
Thanks for reading,
Fully Prophesized & Fleeked.