Why Am I Doing This!?

Tony Ferrar
Jul 24, 2017 · 4 min read

I’m on summer vacation. I’m off the clock, no work responsibilities. Yet I wake up at 5 am every day so that I can put in a couple hours creating videos, blog posts, Instagram images, and more. While we were visiting family, someone asked why. Here’s what I said:

Just over a year ago I was notified that I’d be laid off in 40 days. This was my first job after earning my PhD. A little less than a year in, and it was over. How could it be!? I went through all the stages of dealing with difficult news: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But even after accepting the fact that things would soon change, I had one lingering feeling:

fear.

  • I was afraid that my career wasn’t going anywhere.
  • I was afraid that I’d wasted a year.
  • I was afraid my network had forgotten me.
  • I was afraid that I wouldn’t find work that moved me forward.
  • I was afraid that I had gone down a dead end.
  • I was afraid of going down another dead end.
  • I was afraid that I was getting too old not to be settled yet.
  • I was afraid that I wouldn’t find work somewhere my wife and I wanted to live.
  • I was afraid of uprooting my and my wife’s life again.
  • I was afraid my wife would be disappointed in me.
  • I was afraid my friends and family would be disappointed in me.
  • I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep my pregnant wife’s health insurance coverage.
  • I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to pay my student loan, car, and credit card debts.
  • I was afraid that the 12 years I’d spent working my tail off to earn a bachelors, masters, and doctorate had been a waste.

I remember waking up one day after my wife had already left for work. Before this situation I was always the first one up. I had a knot in my stomach that wouldn’t go away. I noticed my jaw and fists we’re clenched. I paced in the dark bedroom for a minute, but the feeling didn’t pass. I got dressed and walked a lap around my apartment complex. I felt so helpless randomly searching for jobs. Desperately looking for anything that I was qualified to apply for. All I could think was “I’ve got to DO something. I’m unemployed and my wife is pregnant and I’m not DOING anything.”

I went back to the apartment and started searching the Internet for advice. I found a lot of motivational quotes and posters. “Great,” I thought, “this doesn’t help at all. I’m already fired up, but I have no idea what to do.”

Then I stumbled on a book that looked at job hunting differently. I read it cover to cover. That led to a book on leadership. Which led to a book on overcoming the odds. Then a book on time management. Then personal finance. I found the authors and they all produced regular podcasts. I soaked in a massive amount of information, mostly aimed at business people, and adapted it to the unique needs of an academic.

If you’ve been watching or reading my content, you know that everything turned out in the end. But there was a stretch about a year ago where my pregnant wife and I were coming to grips with the idea of moving in with my mother-in-law. So what changed? Why did I read so many books and blogs, listen to so many podcasts?

Hope.

You can find a book out there with a 7-step plan to do just about anything. There are dozens, even hundreds of books on time management, personal finance, and professional development. They all have a common idea: that you have the power to respond to your circumstances and change them. Where you are today may or may not be fair. But where you are tomorrow is up to you and how you respond. That’s hope! And I couldn’t get enough.

So what am I doing here? I’ve got a job I love. Why am I getting up at 5 am, even on summer break?

Hope.

It’s worth the effort if I can give one person the hope that these ideas gave me. If one person on the brink of giving up pushes forward for one more day. If one person about to settle for a mediocre life wakes up and believes they can do anything.

Do you need that in your life?

Then connect with me. Sign up for the free class that I’m offering next month. Leave a comment on a video. Ask me a question on Twitter or Instagram. Read what I’m writing on Medium. This is all for you. When you respond, I respond.

If you’re feeling powerless, the realize this: at the least, you have the power to shape this content. I’ll work to find answers to what you’re struggling with, if you’ll ask. I’ll make more of what helps you, if you’ll tell me. I’ll explain things that don’t make sense, if you’ll let me know.

I’m here for you. You have power. Let’s find it and use it to get your dream.

There is hope.

Twitter/Instagram/Medium: @TheTonyFerrar

www.FaceBook.com/IntentionalAcademy

www.tonyferrar.com

Tony Ferrar

Written by

Learner. Educator. Present-minded Professor. Founder of Intentional Academy. Find out more at www.tonyferrar.com/

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