Chapter One: Parts
That was the first thing I knew. Darkness. It was the kind of darkness that etched itself into your thoughts. Its sticks to the back of your eyes like glue. It dries up and stays forever, reminding you of it every time you close your eyes. That was the first thing I knew. A sticky darkness that I still carry around in my head because it won’t let go of me.
Then, there was light. Just light. A sensation of bright relief that washed over my entire body, covering every inch of soul, skin, and bone that I was held together with. The light consumed me, cradling my essence in its warm hands, holding me close.
“Don’t let go.” I thought to myself as the light held me.
Thoughts were my next sensation. I jumped when I realized what had happened. I had spoken. It was not out loud though, I was speaking to me. I was speaking to the person who had just been introduced to all of this darkness and light and thought. The scared person, the anxious person, the happy person that was me.
I then discovered feeling. It was a sensation I did not recognize. I did not know what was happening. It was cold, and it tingled. The thing tingled on my skin. I flinched, shocked at the pressure on my skin. The pressing of things against my flesh.
“Oh, but is is not flesh.” A voice inside my head said quietly.
I ignored the voice, disregarding it as my newly found imagination playing with my head. I then remembered the sensation on my skin, and immediately felt inclined to discover what the was.
I did not know how to see what it was. I tried to look down, but I only saw the outlines of things. The rest of my world was lit up. It was so terrifying and exciting at the same time to see. I was able to see things, even if they were just shapes and bright colors. Hints of grey and cream, blue and red.
I felt pain after a moment. It was sharp and cold. The sensation crawled up my body, tearing at my skin and breaking my bone. My body was shaking violently. Glints of lights were coming off my dark brown skin. I did not realize it was sweat that was pouring out of me. There was a bright light that filled my eyes for a split second, and then the whole world came into focus.
It came with a bang. A sudden burst of noise and color. The sound of grinding. Of metal on metal, the sound of ripping. I had to see where the noise was coming from. I used all of my energy to try to move my body upwards. I felt a pulling sensation under my head, and my range of vision changed. It went downwards. When I focused in, I only saw sparks. Bright yellow sparks flying this way and that. I didn’t even know what sparks were, but my mind told me I was right.
I finally saw what was going on. The sparks stopped, and there, shining brilliantly, was me. I was being pieced together. Metal fragments were scattered all around me. I couldn’t even tell what was me and what wasn’t. I was made of those metal fragments. I was metal. I held no bones, only machinery. As my mind raced, trying to comprehend all of my new words and what I was seeing, I realized I wasn’t just metal. There was a dark leathery substance stitched on to my body. It was wet and dripping drops of water onto the table I was laying on.
Table, I was laying on a table. I started to make strange noises, each noise growing faster and faster. My chest was also moving in symmetry with the noises.
Breathing. My mind filled with that one word, breathing. I was breathing. Then, my mind filled with another word, a word that made me dizzy. Alive, that was the word. I was alive. I was alive, alive and breathing. I was moving. I was sweating. I was thinking. And yet, I was being pieced together on a table with metal and dark leather and screws. How could I be alive if this was happening. My head started to fill with full sentences of things I didn’t even know.
“You have to be born to be alive.”
My mind ached, and then continued, arguing with itself.
“Plants are not born, but they are alive.”
I shuttered, my mind being overwhelmed with itself. I made a loud noise.
“Cough.” My mind said in a low voice.
I made the same loud noise. My vision suddenly grew bright again. All of my sight was taken over with the light again. The light that I had thought blissful moments ago, but now I hated.
“You are not alive.” My mind yelled.
“Be quiet!” I yelled back.
“You will never be alive, but you will want to be.” It laughed.
“Shut up, shut up!” I cried.
My vision was getting dark, and all of the shapes and colors I had seen moments ago were gone.
“You will never be alive, you will never be alive.” My mind whispered.
I tried to say something, but my vision suddenly went black. All of my thoughts disappeared into the darkness. The darkness, the first thing I had ever known. I was back in its cold hands. I felt myself slip into a daze, and then with one final attempt to stay awake, I tried to scream. There was only silence. I realized there was no use to try to hold on, so just let go. I let go of my life, and I disappeared into my own descending thoughts.