After spending a few hours searching the web for an online support group I eventually stumble upon something that catches my eye. It looks great! There’s a councelling event on in a few hours so, naturally, I contact the number listed and am told I’m more than welcome to join, so I do. Time seems to grow to a standstill as I wait. And wait. And wait. A little voice in the back of my brain keeps telling me to not expect anything. It’s not easy though. If you’re bi, bipolar that is, you’ll know what I mean. Then again there are tons of impatient people around, right?

At 17:55 I’m sitting in my office. Laptop open. Zoom ready to go. After what feels like years the hour round off and boom! Meeting on!

Looking back at me are faces I’ve never seen before. People of all ages, nationalities, religions gathered together to lend support to one another and hopefully feel better for it. I’m welcomed, as the new guy, and asked if I’d like to join in prayer… I made it plain that I’m an atheist mind you, long before the meeting started. I politely decline said invitation and wait to see what the result will be. As I suspected I’m greeted with an awed silence that immediately becomes unnerving.

The group leader proceeds to start the meeting. Yes. She started praying. I wait. And wait, and wait, again. A quick glance at the time shows it’s now 18:06… Six minutes of prayer. Interesting. The leader then starts talking. And talking. And talking. The topic you ask? I honestly have no bloody clue! I’ve spent the day going over it and I am as yet to find an explanation. There was no mention of bipolar or anxiety or depression. Yet that’s what the group is there for? Peculiar…

This is the fourth group I’ve joined, and left, and I am beginning to believe that understanding, accepting and acknowledging others’ beliefs is something most people aren’t able to do. Now I will, once again, mention that I am from South Africa and religion is a huge thing here, but I am terribly disappointed nevertheless.

1. Is there a support group that doesn’t enforce religion?

2. How many others out there feel the way I do?

3. Am I seriously the only atheist in SA?!?

4. Are people afraid of being judged by their family because of their lack of belief?

5. Why can’t healing be just that? People getting together and healing. Sharing is caring, right?

My family are religious. Very. I don’t have an issue with it but I do have an issue with people trying to make others follow their beliefs. Are we the only species who are so hell bent on being right that we refuse to accept others beliefs, or lack thereof? I don’t hate anyone, not at all, but I just feel so tired of going through the same thing continuously. It’s like an endless cycle I can’t seem to escape. Torture! There is a poem that can best explain my feelings towards my fellow mankind. I mean it not in disdain or rage but only… Well the words are beautiful and they feel more than good when I say or read them.

There is pleasure in the pathless woods, there is rapture in the lonely shore, there is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar; I love not Man the less, but Nature more.

Lord Byron.

Long and short? I’m so tired.

Anyone care to join a group for recovering addicts? If yes please message me and let’s get this thing going.





A simple guy who’s also an addict plus bipolar and don’t forget an atheist too…

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A simple guy who’s also an addict plus bipolar and don’t forget an atheist too…

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